What I Did Last Week

Spent some time with my niece and great nephew, aint he cute? His smile lights up the room!

Taught my daughter how to fly my broom.

Spent some time with my favorite brother- in- law Marvin, my daughter Boo and her friend John. Yes, I have a green thumb and those are my plants and trees in the back ground.

It was strange to see my baby drink a glass of wine in front of me, but she’s 23 and not a baby anymore.

This was actually funny, Bruce’s sister Pat uses fly paper in her kitchen. She had it hanging from her light fixture and Boo’s hair got stuck in it.

This was Boo’s last night here. John was her boyfriend when she was 16 and they still are friends. This was taken in front of my house.

I had a very busy week and I enjoyed seeing my baby girl. When she left yesterday I felt a great sadness and loss. I haven’t stopped crying. I can feel this depression coming on. I talked to my sister Lee and when she asked about Boo I couldn’t talk about it without crying. I miss my kids so much it hurts. I am going home and have 6 boxes packed. May 07 I AM MOVING BACK HOME TO MINNESOTA!

This summer sucked from all the sickness, surgeries and now one more surgery. I am going in the hospital on Tuesday for another surgery to remove the tennis ball size lump under my arm caused by the surgery to remove the original lump. This lump is a huge solid blood clot. I’m sick of doctors and I’m sick of being sick. I want my fucking life back. I want to go back to work.

The rent is due tomorrow and we are a $100.00 short. We are down to one car because the other one died for good. We are getting behind in everything. I told Bruce today it’s the hard times that keeps people together…they are too fucking broke to leave! My son is sending me a couple of hundred dollars, Creator bless him and his wife. Hopefully I can get my ass back to work by the end of next week. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I am going home in May, so I got that going for me.

Added on this morning at 8:27 AM, Oct. 1, 2006

I woke up to rainy cold weather and smiled. I love this kind of weather. It keeps me cool when hot flashes attack. It makes my hair look like Stevie Nicks hair or witchy big hair.

Menopause has hit me hard and furious these past two weeks and my hormones are running wild and free and making me a little crazy and emotional. My GYN doc wants to put me on low doses of effexafuck or Lexie, she says it helps with the hot flashes. I told her I’m already taking a low (25 mg) of anti depression med to help me sleep at night so I really didn’t feel like it. She said if I want a natural remedy, black cohash was the best.

Willie Nelson made a statement to the press saying “he was lucky he had a bag of pot, if it had been a bag of spinach he would be dead.” I found this totally funny. Willie ROCKS!

Went to the used book store with BooBoo and John, and John bought me a book written by Willie with all his poetry. Some of it he had to be high when he wrote it because the verses were funny. Like this one where she’s the string connected to the wrong yoyo, meaning him. Good ole Willie.

Bruce is still sleeping and I’m thinking about waking him up to make coffee. He makes the best coffee & breakfastest (is that a word?) in the world. We are going to clean out some closets today and throw some stuff out to start getting ready to move this spring.

Have a great and glorious day everyone.

My Daughter BooBoo is Here!

This is Boo with cousin Tom. We stopped at his house for dinner on the way back from Boston airport. It is so good to have her here. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent any time with her.

My biopsies came back. The lymph node under the arm came back benign, but very inflamed because it was full of tattoo ink. Yup, you heard it right, tattoo ink. The Doc said this happens quiet frequently with people with tattoos. It is still the size of a tennis ball and hurts like heck. He lanced it and drained 2 oz. of crap out of it, but it will have to be cut open and the blood clot taken out next Thursday.

I have to go to an oncologist for the boobies. It’s not carcinoma but something similar and I need to take care of it. So I will be good as new in a few months I hope.

Tomorrow we are going to upper New York State to visit Bruce’s sister. Be back in a few days. Be good, Goddess Bless and Take Care. Love ya’ll!

Faith

Faith by Shawn Mullins

Pain, come no more
Don’t you come knockin’ on my door
Love, dry your tears
You have lived a life way beyond your years

And faith, when you’re gone
All my demons and my devils they do me wrong
And faith, you let your light shine through
Let a ray of hope surround me
Just don’t think I can make it without you

Hey faith, don’t let me down
Let me know when I come back she’ll be around
‘Cause I’ve been burned, a time or two
If she left me lord, I don’t know what I’d do

And faith, when you’re gone
All my demons and my devils they do me oh so wrong
And faith, you let your light shine through
You let a ray of hope surround me
Just don’t think I can make it without you

In the morning you know I wake up with the dawn
Everyday, there’s a way
You know I got to carry on
To know the way
And take the road of right and wrong
And keep faith in my heart
Just keep faith in your heart

Pain, come no more
Don’t you come knockin’ on my door
Love, please be strong
Cause I need the peace of mind to carry on

And faith, when you’re gone
All my devils, all my demons, you know, they do me wrong
And faith, you let your light shine true
You let a ray of hope surround me
You came back home and found me
Searching for the love I never knew

Taryn

Shannon sent these new pictures of Taryn in e-mail. We went to visit her yesterday and she is doing beautifully. Her head is perfectly shaped just like Bruce’s only she has hair.

I love this one of baby and daddy. Absolutely Beautiful! I can see Bruce and Shannon’s chin here, strong chin, strong character, beautiful button nose.

The Seed

The greatest dreams on Earth

I trust to you my child.

You are the seed of humankind

the hope, the future of the world.

~Tran Duc Uyen~

Nancy’s Update By Mr. Bruce

Nancy came home last night. Surgery went well. Doctor said he got all the tissue that had the bad cells. The only thing we are waiting on is the biopsy report on the lymph node. That won’t be back until next Friday or Monday. She pulled a Bruce in the recovery room. Her blood pressure bottomed out and when they finally woke her up she threw up. So her recovery time instead of an hour was four hours.

Her arm pit is swollen three times it’s size. She’s taking some heavy duty drugs that make her itchy all over, but she’s taking benadryl to combat those effects. So she’d pretty stoned out of her head.

She can’t use her arm and here is a picture of why, if you are squeamish turn your head. I wanted to show you her booboo’s on her boobs but she said no booby pictures.

I want to thank everyone who is praying for her, and for me. It means a lot to this old tough guy. Thank you.

Up For 28 Hours

I’ve been working the grave yard shift. I got home at 8:00 AM yesterday. I just walked through the door and the phone rings. It’s Ken, Shannon’s husband. Shannon is in the hospital and she’s dilated to 8. At 10, baby is soon here.

Bruce and I hop back into the car and race to the hospital. We get to the hospital and she’s still at 8. We visit and I take this cute picture of Mom. We proceed to wait, thinking it won’t take long. Wrong.

Baby wasn’t born until 8:03 PM last night. It took the whole day and she had some complications. At around 4:50 PM her water broke, and shortly after that she was whisked to surgery. Emergency C-section because baby was showing signs of distress.

The nurses took us to a new waiting area. So here I am over tired and worried sick and ya’ll know how I get when I get over tired. I start to cry. Bruce looks at me and he says “Don’t you cry, your gonna make me cry”, and he then starts to cry.

Long beautiful, exciting story short, Taryn was born and her mom and dad and her are all doing great! She weighed 7 pounds 14 oz. She is 19 inches long and she is beautiful!

She’s all smiles. Shannon is Bruce’s only daughter from his marriage to Sharon his first wife. Shannon was also born C-section. She’s a very special daughter and her dad and her share the same warped sense of humor. They have a unique talent for memorizing every line from stupid movies, Space Balls is one of their favorites and they were doing it yesterday while she was in labor, having some pretty strong contractions. Shannon was a champ. She took no pain medicine because she knew if she did it would also have an effect on her baby.

Mom, Dad and baby Taryn.

Grandpa Bruce’s first time holding his first baby grand daughter.

This is Bruce’s mom, great grandma holding Taryn.

Ken’s Mom and Taryn

Ken’s Dad, big Ken and Taryn.

Me and my sweet baby grand daughter.

I won’t be on for a few days, maybe a week. I’m going in tomorrow morning, same hospital as Shannon and having surgery. I’ll see you all when I get back. My love and thanks goes out to all my friends out there. Take care and Creator Bless you abundantly.
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Pictures from todays visit to the hospital.

My Favorite Son and Daughter-in-law And Other Stuff

I was so excited today. I got these pictures in e-mail.

My favorite son, my only son Travis and his beautiful wife Trina. This was taken at Travis friend, Jeff’s wedding. They have been friends since grade school. Travis gets his red hair from his grandma who was a tiny bit Irish. I always teased him about going to live on the Fond Du Lac Indian Reservation. He would say “Mom, look at me they would hate me, a red headed Indian.”

This is a picture of all the grooms men. Trav looks so handsome and happy!

This is Andy and Travis. They are BEST friends. Andy lived across the road and alley from us and these two were always together. They are the best!

I was supposed to work today 3-11pm…they cancelled me. Yippie now I can stay home and blog and catch up on some blogs.

Bruce and I fed some baby ducks today and it was truly a blessing. They were orphaned. No mom or pop anywhere to be seen. I was cutting up an organic apple for them and they were quacking and walking on my feet to get some apple. After the apple I gave them some corn and granola. They were starving. If they had a mom she would not of allowed them to get so close. Now I feel like I need to go feed them daily. It’s good that they are staying together. The one time I didn’t bring my camera, shit.

My nephew Tom got his phone put in today so now I can call him at home. You remember Tom? He was the angel at the foot of my hospital bed. We’ve been hanging out on our days off. Here’s a picture I took of him from the last time. he got the hat when he was in Australia. He’s a world class travler and all around good guy. He has a sense of humor that will make you pee your pants and he’s single. He’s looking for love in all the wrong places, so I felt the need to give him a plug. He’s going to kill me. ;)~

This is John. He was my daughter Boo’s boyfriend. They met when she was sixteen and he was seventeen. She’s now 23 and he’s 24. This was taken last weekend when he visited me. I love John, and a visit from him was almost as good as a visit with my own kids. He came to see me in the hospital and he calls me almost every day to see how I am. Last weekend when he came I spent a few hours putting his hair in dread locks. Boo is coming to visit from Minnesota on the 22nd of Sept. Maybe I can get them back together. He is such a cutie. I know, I will stay out of it, but I can hope. He is stable, he has a job, he is going to school. Plus he likes me.

That’s it for today. Have a great and peaceful labor day, except you Shannon. Go into LABOR!

This is Mr. Bruce and our favorite son-in-law Ken. Ken has a rare tongue disorder, he can’t keep it in his mouth. jk He’s going to be the new daddy.

Biking

My bike is the blue one. Bruce’s is borrowed from our favorite son-in-law, Ken. We drove to a really nice bike trail yesterday and we rode for at least 7 miles. Bruce said it was more like 5, it felt like 20.

The day before we went for a walk and walked over a mile. These may be baby steps to a lot of people but for me and Bruce they are huge steps after what we’ve been through. Bruce’s new knee is working awesome. He has done so freaking fantastic and I am very proud of him.

My sister Lee said that I was very blessed to have a husband that is willing to go walking and biking with me, I said yes I am, and he is very blessed to have a wife that will go fishing and camping and to the Friday night races with him. We are a perfect match.

Today he made me breakfast and did the dishes while I blogged. I am feeling emotionally blessed to have him in my life. He is the best.

Shannon hasn’t had her baby yet. She was hoping for the end of August so she could beat the school sign up date of Sept. 1. Taryn, baby girl’s name, will come when she’s ready. I told Bruce she must take after him, bull headed and Shannon said she takes after Ken because she’s annoying her by not coming out in August. Whenever she decides to come it will be a very happy event and Bruce and I are very excited to meet this granddaughter.

After my surgery, I will be out of work for 2 months, so maybe I will get to baby sit.

So I have that going for me too!

Life In General

I am getting as much work in as possible before my surgery date. I’m going to do 6 shifts in five days. We need the cash. Bruce is receiving disability but they want out of a $383.00 check a week a $100.00 for medical insurance so that leaves us with $283.00 a week. He’s out of work until October 10th. With gas prices so high, and the monthly bills of electricity, cable, and phone, rent, food and medicines, we are barely getting by. I was sick the last week of July through three weeks into August and couldn’t work. So we are behind. Just getting by…by the skin of our teeth as mother used to say, she also used to say, you can’t get blood out of a turnip, whatever that means. Mother had some pretty funny sayings.

Still all in all I feel pretty blessed. Zoe is warming up to me, she came to me and head bonked me, it was then I knew she loved me. She would always go to Bruce so this was a major break through. Maybe having the aunt’s here had an effect on her. She stole my sisters Shirley watch and hid it on her which made me laugh. Thank Creator it wasn’t big enough to fit down the drain.


The hospital gossip train hit me last night at work when a PCT came and hugged me and was so concerned if I was OK and when was I starting Chemo? This happened twice last night. Huh? That’s news to me. I only told three people what was going on. My boss, my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law, who both work at the same hospital. It’s funny how the story changes as the gossip moves from person to person.

The RN I was working with kept checking on me every half hour, asking did I need anything, was I OK, did I want a break? It was funny because before, I could ring for a nurse and would wait 45 minutes for a response.

I’m working the grave yard shift, which I like for right now because it is quiet. They medicate and sedate, so people pretty much sleep throughout the night. Although last night one of the guys I was with was 99 and put a whole new meaning to the expression ‘dirty old man’. My sister-in-law, who feels she needs to protect me told him to shut the hell up. He did, and the rest of the night was quiet.

That’s it for now. Have a wonderful evening and sweet dreams.

Funny Picture

My sister Lee told me if I put this on my blog she would kill me. My brain said this is too funny not to be seen. She’s so darn cute! Aren’t you glad I’m not your little sister?

PS>Does anybody have the link to Babs? I can’t find it anywhere. Thanks.

Surgery Date

Don’t have much time as I am on my way to work this fine morning. Doing a double today, 7 AM - 11 PM.

My biopsy came back, pre cancer cells, bad cells, but not as bad as cancer. I’m having two lumpectomies, one on each side and the left lymph node out on September 8 at 8:00 AM. The left lymph node is the worry now. That will be biopsied when they take it out.

My lap top was acting all weirded out and I haven’t been able to use it. I miss you guys.

Have to run. Have a great and beautiful day.

My sisters left for home yesterday morning and it made me cry. My baby daughter called and she is flying out September 22, she is going to spend a week with me and I am so thankful I will be here to do it. I haven’t seen Boo Boo in over a year. Granted she’s 23, but she will always be my baby girl. My Amy is coming out in Nov. So I have a lot to look forward to.

Thanks for all your prayers and happy thoughts. It meant the world to me and my family.

Sorry for any miss spelled words, I was in a super hurry. And ya’ll know my spelling sucks.

Zoe’s Curious

I’m taking over for her today. She’s been waiting by the phone for a call on her biopsy results and so far nothing or no one has called and waiting is making her anxious She rode her bike 7 miles yesterday, which for her was good after being so sick. Today she walked up hill a mile and climb five flight of stairs for exercise. Don’t tell her but I think she’s doing a great job and Mr. Bruce agrees.

My two aunt’s Lee & Shirley are pretty darn nice too. My auntie Lee brought home this big thing and here are some pictures of me exploring what the heck it is.

Now Comes The Night

Now Comes The Night by Rob Thomas

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
And you will not be alone
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
No I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here

Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
‘Til the end of our days

D Day

Today, this morning is biopsy day. I have to leave in about 20 minutes to get to Hartford Hospital by 8:30 AM. My sister Lee gave me an atavan to help with my nerves. I am bringing one of my favorite CD’s by Douglas Spotted Elk. I’m having a Core Biopsy which puts me in an MRI machine with wires inserted in my boobs to the five different areas to take the tissue they need.

My sister Lee and Shirley came home last night with a build a bear just for me. This is my bear Jade.

She has a special star that I wished on, sewed into her. It matches the star on her left paw. So I have that going for me too.

Bruce is telling me it is time to go, my stomach just fell out.

Hopefully I will be back with great news, keep your fingers crossed.

Zoe’s Wake Up Call

It’s five am
gentle snores
keep me company
while I sip
my morning tea.

Lee, Shirley & Bruce
all snoring
at different levels.

I feel nothing
but love
as I listen
to their sleepy melody.

Zoe sits by my tea cup
her big green eyes
looking into mine
saying “meow, I can’t sleep.”

I pet her and she sings
along purrrrrrrrfectly.

beautiful morning song.

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Rocky was right eventually. As of this fine morning I am down almost twenty-five pounds. I wouldn’t recommend the diet to anyone. I still have no appetite and am having at least 4 to 5 BM’s a day. Still taking the antibiotics they use to kill this nasty little virus, have two more weeks worth. But other then that and a small worry about Monday’s biopsy I’m feeling on top of the world.

Went to work for the first time Sunday night. It proved too much and I had to cancel myself last night. Going in tonight though. Every other day is good. Still weak and fatigued. My sisters & Bruce are doing all the home-making stuff and taking the best care of me. I am so blessed and humbled by them. Unconditional love is what they have for me. It fills my heart and soul.

I feel damn blessed that I live in a country where I can tell the world how many BM’s I have in a day and so I got that going for me too!

Bear Hunting

Remember a while back I said I would post some pictures of me and my bear? I went bear hunting and I got a small black bear. I had got my license in a lottery for hunting. In the second picture I’m drinking a beer. Enjoy. The bear steaks and roast off this animal were amazing. We Bar-b-queued the roast. it was finger licking good.

I tanned the hide and gave it to my best friend and I made some very nice jewelry out of the claws.

Here’s a picture of me and my sisters, from left to right as you look at your screen, Leola, Fern, Lena and me. I love this picture!

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of Ricki Joy, August 08, 1975 - August 11, 2003

Dear Ricki:

I miss you everyday of my life. I am getting better at not crying so much anymore because I am tired of grieving. I know that is what you would want for your dear old mom not to cry but to be happy. But you must understand you were part of that happiness and now you are gone but it’s getting better.

Aunty Lee and Aunty Shirley are here with me today and we are getting on our bikes and going for a bike ride. The two of them keep me pretty busy so there is no time to dwell on sadness or sickness.

I thought I might go in your trunk today but I won’t have time. Your cousin Tom is here to from Oregon. Remember how crazy he was? He teased you so much about your cat fetish. He’s still the same but appeared to me as an angel at the end of my hospital bed last week. It was so good to see him, it’s been since 1993 when grandma LeMay died. He’s still crazy and makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants.

Yesterday him and Aunty Lee got on the bikes and went for a little ride. I took this picture of them. Funny hu?

I have to go. I will always carry you in my heart and soul and whenever I see wild daisies on my bike ride I will smile because I know you are there.

Love Mom