Monday, August 25, 2008

My Little Piper

She is going to be a red head like her daddy. Dark auburn. I love that. She is 5 weeks old. I am going home in November to finally meet her. My youngest BooBoo is moving out here the first week in September and she will ride home with me in November. I can hardly wait!

Harry Potter fan.


I decided to keep up the blog and the 'lurker' can go screw herself.

Saturday night we went out for my 'last supper'. We went with Sue & Bill. I don't know about everyone else but I had the best time! We went to the Olive Garden. Bruce & I went there on our first real date.

We, Bruce & I talked about how much fun that first date was and he said to me "It's where I fell in love with you, a woman brave enough to order spaghetti and meatballs on a first date is the woman for me."

Sue didn't smile much. I don't know what her problem was. She did have her wedding rings on. I commented on it. It's nice to see you wearing your wedding rings again. She hadn't worn them all summer long. I think that had something to do with Bruce telling her he had no feelings for her maybe.

Bill was delightful. He was funny and witty. Bruce and I laughed at all his jokes but Sue didn't. I don't know why. She should pay more attention to him he is a great guy, not as funny or as cute as Bruce but that's her problem not mine.

I had the never ending pasta bowl with angel hair pasta and Alfredo sauce with Italian sausage. It was sooo good! Then I had this chocolate pie for desert. It was yummy.

Then I suggested we go back to their house for a mid-night swim. Bruce and I had so much fun swimming. Sue and Bill watched. They got in the pool and just sat there. Didn't move. Bruce and I sang a song from Grease as we swam. The song was Summer Love had me a blast, summer love happened so fast, he showed up splashing around...yes we were that sickening, I thought I was going to throw up.

Bruce and I had a great time and I think we got our message across...

Now for me it's day one of the liquid diet. Four slim fast today. Today is also the first day off of diabetic medicine. Whooooopie! No more diabetic medicine. Now I must go walking...later dudes!

I just talked to JackieSue and she was on her way to the doctors. Seems her blood pressure is running a little high. That woman has been the best friend to me, for many years now. She is always there when I need her, granted she is always on her way out the door somewhere but we get in what we have to. Maybe it's the job that's giving her high blood pressure.

I will definitely say some prayers to the great universe and burn some sage with healthy thoughts to you my friend.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sunday Morning Coming Down

I won't be posting here much unfortunately. This will be my last post now that I've been found out by Pat or Patty. I wondered who was leaving comments then deleting them. She finally left a comment about Sue Rood. Said she's been 'lurking' and could no longer keep quiet. Lurking is a scary word. Stalking is what it feels like.

Yes, there is history there. She was married to one of Bruce's best friends, then got divorced and a whole bunch of drama followed and yadda, yadda and I just didn't care to be in the middle of her drama with this other woman and it's been great blogging without her, but she's found me and now I'm off.

I just had a weird thought...seems Bruce's friends are all a little wacky. Or maybe it's me...naw, it's them. :)

She can't follow me on myspace. So if ya'll want to keep hanging out with me head on over. I have to add you as friend because I have it set to private. So Leo, Buddha Girl come on over...

Jackie is already there and so is Duff so it's all good.

Love you guys.

Now I have to gather my thoughts about my romantic dinner and mid night swim last night to write about it...It was a hoot.

MySpace URL:

Friday, August 22, 2008

For Jackie

Little Piper in an outfit Auntie Jackie got her, I loved the shoes!

Secret Blog

So I'm sitting in his office and there is a light knock at the door, come in I answer. In comes this beautiful East Indian doctor who I recognized right away. She says Nancy, do you remember me, I assisted Dr. Mason with your double mastectomies. Yes, I do remember you. She says , when I heard you were here I just had to come in to see your new boobs. So I lift my shirt and I show her. She says they are beautiful. What a great job Dr. Melissa did. Then she says why are you here, you look wonderful, you don't need this surgery.

Awww thanks, but I have type 2 diabetes and I can't control it with exercise and diet. I have tried. I have already lost 20 pounds and my diabetes is still running wild. So yes I do need this surgery.

She goes out and talks to Dr. Kuhn. They both come in. Dr. Kuhn says you are quite the celebrity here. He gives me his whole speech about the surgery. Doc, we've been here before remeber? Three days before I was going to do this I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Yes, and you've done fantastic and you are still smiling. But you understand you will be surgically altered for the rest of your life? I stand up and I lift my shirt up and I say Doc, I have no nipples...I would say I'm already surgically altered for life, wouldn't you?
He laughs and says that is what everyone is talking about, your attitude. Upbeat and comical.

I told him Doc, I have my share of dark moments, but I have outlets for those moments and those outlets are my many friends and family. They pull me through. Like Shannon's boob cake...that was the best gift on that day, and Toni washing my hair, and Sarah calling and texting me to see how I am and Bruce always supporting me, and all the good stuff from the people at work and Brian and Candy coming over and bringing Sissy to see me. It's hard to dwell in sadness when I have so many great people who care about me. Not to mention my secret blog and all thos wonderful friends I have there. (this is my secret blog)

So he said, I think you will do just fine with this surgery and then he asked me to lie on the table. He was on one side and she was on the other. He lifts my shirt and looks at the other you see what I mean, you can see her ribs where they end, most of my paitients you can't even feel their ribs. This will be an easy surgery for me I can see where everything is...

It felt good to hear him say that.

And now I have to get ready for work...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sue Rood (Rude)

So you have been following my drama with Sue Rood, Bruce's childhood friend who happens to be obsessed with him. I left off on Friday when she called me once and him twice to leave a message for me right?

I work second shift so when I get home around midnight Bruce is sleeping and we don't talk because he is sleeping, then when he gets up at 6am he is very quiet because I am sleeping. We don't really get to talk to each other until the week-end.

Yesterday right before work I get a call it's Sue Rude. I say ya, what do you want? (thinking, my husband) She said I was just calling to apologize, it must have hurt you so much to know what Bruce and I talked about? I am thinking OK, what the fuck is she talking about now? Then she says "Didn't Bruce tell you we talked last night?" She says it with a tone that says oh Bruce is keeping secrets from you about me because he truly loves me kinda snotty voice. I answer her "No, he was sleeping naked in my bed and wanted to make hot slutty love to me, when I got in naked, he loves my 16 year old boobs! and nothing else when I got home." and we didn't talk about you so what?

I got nothing on the other end. Silence. So I am grinning ear to ear at the silence. I shut the cow up.

Sue regains her composer. Oh well we talked about...I rudely cut in...Listen Sue I have to get going, but I would like to tell you that I have a surgery date September 9th. Bruce and I would like to go out to dinner with you and Bill Saturday night for my last supper. She says oh we would love to. Then I say, I have to run we can talk about this Saturday when Bruce is with us OK? And I hang up.

I called Bruce after and I asked him did you talk to Sue again? Oh ya he said and he told me about her conversation with him. He told me he told her she didn't stand a snowballs chance in hell with him. He told her he loves me with all his heart. He told her I make him happier then he's ever been. And then he told me she was on the other line calling him. Of course he didn't answer the beep, he was talking to the woman he loves.

The woman just doesn't get it.

Saturday Bruce said he is going to give her an eye full. PDA (public dispaly of affection, towards me. Rubbing salt into her love wounds.) He is also going to tell Bill about all the phone calls and all the crap she has said. Bill doesn't seem to know about Sue's phone calls. Cell phones are wonderful in that you can save everything on them, dates and times and even conversations. Of course he won't do this until after we have had a wonderful romantic dinner.

I can't wait. Evil grin.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

This Song Says It All For Me!

City by the Lake 2008

Words & Music by John Heino

Northbound I-35, savoring the Thompson Hill view
Senses coming alive, drinking in the blue on blue
I’m gonna take a long walk by the shore
Let the waves work their magic once more
I can’t tell you what a difference it makes
To be back in the City By the Lake

Grandma’s deck in the sun, ore boat under the bridge
Seagulls keeping close watch, eyein’ my cheesy prime rib
I’m gonna catch a show at Sacred Heart
Get inspired and maybe make some art
I can’t tell you what a difference it makes
To be back in the City by the Lake

I’ve been gone such a long time, I think I lost my place
Now I know that I belong here in the City by the Lake

Saturday afternoon, Blues ‘n’ Things on the air
Jim Hall growlin’ a tune, homegrown musical fare
Belly up with the Brewhouse crowd
For a burger and an Oatmeal Stout
I can’t tell you what a difference it makes
To be back in the City by the Lake

I graduated with John, the writer of this song. We recently reconnected and reminisced about Duluth, the city by the lake.

Life is coming together for me in so may places right now and I am happy to be alive. I have a surgery date...September 9, 2008. After that there will be no stopping me from achieving the life I want.

I am going home to the city by the lake and I am going to see my grand-daughter grow up and help in her raising. I'm going to hang out with my kids and bike ride with my sister. I have so much to look forward to. I thank you Creator for this sunshine after so many storms, I thank you.

I will miss my extended family out here. I will miss Taryn the most. She makes me laugh like not even Bruce can. But I know she has the best mom and dad and she has wonderful grandparents on both sides to watch out for her and as she grows she can come stay with me a few weeks every year during the summer. We can make this all work out because we love each other.

After my surgery I have 6 weeks to heal, no diabetes so that should go smoothly. Maybe go home for Christmas, we will see. But my future is looking good.

I am feeling very optimistic right now and I haven't felt that way in so long, what a great feeling.

Monday, August 18, 2008

More Thoughts...

Try and follow my thoughts on the last few days. The picture above are the Roods. Sue & Bill. Sue has known Bruce since childhood. They were next door neighbors.

Bruce and I are planning on going away for the week-end. We are going to New Hampshire to celebrate his Auntie's 80th birthday. Leaving Friday. (the 15th, last Friday)

Thursday afternoon (the 14th) I get a call from Sue. She is distraught to the point of I cannot understand her. You all know the history I have with this woman. She hates me. But anyway let me get back to the phone call...She knows I work for the Psychiatric Department baby sitting , so if you call me at work and tell me you're in crisis don't expect me to sit on my thumbs and do nothing. So I tell her to calm down, blow her nose and to quit crying for a few minutes to tell me whats going on? I should have hung up on her, but nooooo my compassionate nature takes over.

She tells me she wants to kill herself. Wants to end it all. Can't take the pain of living anymore. I ask her "Do you have a plan?" She answers "Yes, I am taking all of my pills tomorrow while I am alone in the house for the day." Which would be Friday. The day Bruce and are supposed to go away together.

I tell her to hang on and not to do anything. Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. I tell her she needs to contact her doctor and to tell him how she is feeling. She promises she will. I hang up and I call Bruce to tell him what happened. (remember this part about me calling Bruce)

So I finish up my shift and go home and go to bed. Bruce says good-night I love you and that is my Thursday.

I get up Friday morning because I took the day shift. 7 to 3 so we could leave right after work to go to New Hampshire. I'm at work and it's now 8:30am and I am thinking about Sue and what she said she would do today. I think to myself go talk to the psych nurses on 2 south locked unit they all like you. So I go up to South 2 and I talk to my favorite psych nurse and I tell her the whole Bill and Sue and Bruce story. She looks at me and smiles. "Nancy you are being manipulated by a master. She wants you to call Bruce whom she loves and she hopes will come rescue her." Me...duh! It never crossed my mind that she was up to no good. Psych nurse, "she is still sick if she is doing stuff like that."

So I call Sue and no one answers. Her answering machine comes on. So I think OH No she's done it, taken all her pills. Sue had told me who her doctor was and so I had the unit secretary get me his number and I called him up. "Did Sue call you?" He answers no. So I tell him about her phone call to me and what she had said about killing herself. He calls the police to go to her house to check on her.

She got the police instead of Bruce. Hahahahahahaha. Evil shit eating grin on my face.

So I call Bruce and tell him what I did. He then tells me "Oh ya, she called me last night." And you forgot to tell me? Dumb ass! "Ya, she called me and asked me if I had feelings for her? And what did you answer her? "Hell no!" he said. The she proceeded to ask him all these questions of why he did this or that when it came to her and blah, blah ,blah.

When we were both home from work getting ready to leave for New Hampshire my phone rings and I can see it is Sue. I don't answer. Then Bruce's phone rings and it's her and I tell him if he answers it he is going to go to New Hampshire alone so he doesn't pick up. She calls his phone a second time, this time leaves a message that she's trying to call me. OK, then call me and leave me the message. Don't call my husband twice fucktard. I am so on to you and your game is up.

Bruce's mom...

tells me I should forget the whole thing because they (the Roods) will always be a part of the family and will still be at all the holidays. Fuck it. Fuck them. Fuck having to be nice to them because they are old family friends.

I'm not making nice anymore. I refuse.

Questions and Answers

1. What is your occupation right now?
I'm a guard dog for a small hospital working in the ED, mostly baby sitting drunks.

2. What color are your socks right now?
I'm bare foot right now.

3. What are you listening to right now?
The voice in my head, the good one that tells me not to hurt him...

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Garlic chicken wings.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Nope, to many moving parts and the hills are the worst.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Bruce and I thanked him for being an asshole.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I stole this but the person I stole it from I like.

8. How old are you today?

9. What is your favourite sport to watch?
Hockey, I love when they throw down their gloves and fight!

10. What is your favourite drink?
Tall dark and handsome...

12. What is the last movie you watched?
War of The Worlds with Tom Oddball Cruise.

13.Favorite day of the year?
This year it was the day my grand-daughter was born!

14. How do you vent anger?
Like most bears I write about it. Then I stew, then I rip someone a part by packing up and leaving while he is at work...did I think that out loud? It's just a thought...

15. What was your favourite toy as a child?
The great out doors...

16. What is your favorite season?

17. Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueballs I uh I mean blueberries.

18. Do you want your friends to add this meme to their blogs?
If they want.

19. Who is the most likely to respond?
Have no idea

20. Who is least likely to respond?
Lazy people, it takes work to do these things!

21. Living arrangements?
I live in a two bedroom apartment with a bald guy who is getting on my last nerve.

22.When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday on the way home from New Hampshire thinking about leaving the East Coast...

23. What is on the floor of your closet?
My pajamas and my motorcycle helmet.

24. Who is the friend you have had the longest ?
The one I don't talk to anymore, does that count?

25 What did you do last night?
Nothing I was exhausted from week-end in New Hampshire.

26. What inspires you?
Been a long time since anything has inspired me spiritually.

27. What are you most afraid of?
Bruce's pain when he realizes I am not fooling around and he finds himself alone.

28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Spicy Cheese burgers.

29. Favourite dog breed?
German Shepherds.

30. Favourite day of the week?
Monday cuz Bruce is working and I have the place to myself.

31. How many states have you lived in?
Minnesota, Rhode Island, CT, and MA.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My Thoughts This Fine August Morning...

I have heard this several times in my life time...if you can make it through the seven year mark in a marriage the rest is down hill. If Bruce lives through this seventh year of marriage he will truly be a blessed man. What the hell happens to a man after six years of being the most wonderful husband? Why in the seventh year does he turn into a complete perfect asshole?

I'm just starting to get over the computer thing when this morning I am sound a sleep and Bruce sits by my head butt naked and farts. He starts laughing and being so rudely awakened I'm saying "Jesus Christ" I roll over and mumble "I remember a time when you treated me with more respect." He asked "What did you say?" I replied "Nothing."

He leaves the room. I am so glad he works first shift and I work second because if I had to spend anymore time with him right now I might rip his face off. He is so getting on my last nerve like pig shit on my new boots.

This bad behavior started when our sex life resumed. When I started to really feel better. My shoulders no longer hurt from bra straps. I have no fat rolls under my arms, sleek and smooth. I stand up straighter. I'm just feeling really good now, better then I have in a long, long time.

Now I have to tell the rest of the story. JackieSue and BuddhaGirl know this part already but no one else does so here it goes...

In a few short weeks I am having a micro gastric by-pass. Dr. Kuhn is my doctor for this. I have had to go to classes to learn how to eat 6 meals a day. Every two hours. I have gone to countless meetings and had a zillion appointments with a nutritionist. The thing is I am the smallest person this doctor has done one of these on. He's doing it to cure my type 2 diabetes. I am having a real problem with my blood sugar. Since the breast cancer it has been running in the 200 hundreds. Doc thinks this will cure it and I will be off diabetes meds before I leave the hospital. Last Friday I was cleared to have surgery. I should get a date any day now. The only thing he worried about is the weight loss...because I am not morbidly obese I could lose too much weight. I don't care I just want this diabetes to go away. I will be so happy, no more meds and checking my sugars ever!

The other thing is my insurance has okayed it and they have okayed the tummy tuck afterwards. I didn't even ask for the tummy tuck, my doctor is the one who told me. So Doc Melissa who did my new boobs is doing the tummy tuck, she will at the same time do my new nipples with the skin she takes for the tuck.

I think Bruce is acting up because I will be a new woman. Firm boobs, flat tummy. I think this worries him. It worries me. But I'm not acting like an ass yet so he shouldn't either. Because I tell ya if he keeps this shit up it will deteriorate pretty fast. Every time he does something my respect for him wanes. And when you lose the respect you got nothing.

Another thing is as soon as my hospital affiliates with someone our assets will be un frozen and I will be able to collect my money in the retirement fund and I am leaving here. The program they set up for us (per Diem people) because we get no benefits was 2005 they set aside $3000.00 to start, for every 1000 hours you worked they matched that with another $3000.00. So now it's 2008 and I have some money there.

Bruce has told me for the last seven years he would move to Minnesota with me. He has always said it but never shown anything like saving for it, to me. Then with the selling of his motorcycle and he just blew the money when he said he would give it to me to go home...well that spoke volumes to me. So I think he knows after my surgeries are done I am so out of here...and this scares him. The man hates change.

Me being strong again is a change...

The picture is of my home town, Duluth, Minnesota. Sitting on the tip of Lake Superior. Home of the Great Iron Ore Docks. Take me home country roads, take me home...

Monday, August 11, 2008

Ricki Joy

August is a hard month for me. Today is the anniversary of Ricki's death. August 11, 2003 at 11:15 pm. Five years. In loving memory Ricki, always with love.
Your baby brother Travis and his wife Trina had their first born daughter. You would have been Auntie Ricki. I hear you laughter at being called Auntie Ricki and it makes me smile.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


The one thing I have always counted on was Bruce's word. What he said was the truth, always. He has never lied to me in the last 8 years. He always told the truth even if it hurt. I had the greatest amount of respect for him for that reason.

This last week he has lied to me twice.

He told me a while back, at least twice, that when he sold his bike he was giving me the money from the sale to go home. He sold his bike yesterday. When I asked him about giving it to me to go home I got a lot of yadda yadda yadda .

Then today I wasn't feeling the greatest and we were at BJ's. I stayed in the car. My phone rings...bad to the bone by George...that is Bruce's ring. Anyway I answer it. Ya what's up? Hi, there's a great deal on a computer here for $350.00, with an immediate $50.00 dollar rebate. OK and will this be only my computer or will we both use it? It will be your computer. OK.

He buys the computer.

We get home and I set it all up and he informs me he's using it to. An argument ensues.

It ends with me telling him to shove his computer up his ass and I will get mine, which he broke, fixed.

Please understand if this weren't his 3rd fuck up with downloading a nasty virus...
and because of that I lost over 500 music files, all my picture files, all my writing files, all my LeMay family history files, my art files and a whole bunch of other stuff.
I'm a little pissed and a whole lot disappointed in Bruce.

I could always count on him for the truth...

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

What Are The Odds?

First some cute pictures of Piper...And my finished quilt...

What are the odds I would make it on line 2 days in a row?

Yesterday I wrote Jackie an e-mail explaining everything. Didn't have time for a blog.

I am at odds with many things in my life right now. Husband being my number one oddity right now...ha! I made a joke.

Jackie sent me a baby package for Piper and I got that mailed off Monday with my finished quilt. It cost me $30.82 to mail the package priority mail. That quilt weighed a ton. JackiSue sent such a beautiful package with lot of cute outfits and head bands and this really cute pair of pink sneakers. Thank you my friend, thank you.

I have to run to work right now and when I get my computer fixed I will visit all of you and catch up.