Thursday, September 25, 2008

Two Weeks Out

So it's been a while. I've been recouping. I am losing about eight pounds a week. The biggest thing is I am never hungry anymore. No appetite. I was on five or six meds and now I am down to two. No more diabetes. I am walking two miles a day and I am getting on my bike. I feel great this week.

I got by with the micro...five tiny, tiny incisions and they did the whole gastric by-pass. The incisions healed with no infection because the diabetes was gone. I am feeling so good that Monday I can go back to work.

Yesterday I gave away four big bags of my clothes. They no longer fit. I've gone down three sizes. Yeah!

Thanks to all who check on touches my heart and soul and when I am out on my walks I think about all you good people and I try my hardest to send you love through the cosmos. I have been blessed.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Magnesium Citrate

Day before surgery. Instructions read drink 10 oz. bottle of Magnesium Citrate. Failure to follow this prep will result in your surgery being cancelled.

I've gone through hell to get this surgery. Six months of classes, a psychiatric evaluation that I thought I would fail but didn't, kudos for me! Then I had to put it on hold for 7 months because of breast cancer, breast surgery, breast reconstructive surgery, got back on track...2 more visits to the doctors and 2 more visits to the nutritionist and then 2 weeks of protein shakes which ended yesterday on a gagging note.

Which leads me up to today and this fucking bottle of Magnesium Citrate. This 10 oz. bottle that I can't seem to drink. This lousy $1.99 bottle of clear pleasing lemony flavored Magnesium Citrate...

Because I know how I am going to spend this day if I drink this.

As for how me and Bruce are doing, I told him I would drive myself to the hospital tomorrow.

Now off I go to stand over the kitchen sink to see if I can choke this down...UGH!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Eighty-Seven Porn Sights

I worked yesterday and while I was at work my husband visited 87 porn sights. How much time did that take? Eight hours probably. How do I know this? My brand new computer has the same virus my old computer had. WinSpyWare virus from porn sights. And he didn't erase his history, left it right there for me to find.

He bought this computer on August 10th. Not even a month ago.

How do I feel? My eyes are so dry from crying.

I don't care about the Internet or using the computer.

This was about trust, honor, integrity and my faith in my best friend. How could he do this a fourth time? How could he do this so soon after just healing from the last time?

I am so embarrassed. I am in shock. I am not even going to post this on my space were Bruce children can read this. Shannon would be so upset that her dad is such a pervert.

This is beyond dumb ass, beyond stupid.

I am such a fool. My daughter Amy said it is time to leave.

I have this huge surgery coming up next Tuesday. Gastric By-pass. My daughter Boo will be here.

I need all my strength to get through this. My self esteem is in the toilet. I lack something that my husband needs. It's my fault. What am I not doing for him to meet his needs that he has to keep looking at porn on line?

I have lost my respect for my best friend. I have lost faith and trust. What do I have left? Fuck. What do I have left?