Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Eighty-Seven Porn Sights

I worked yesterday and while I was at work my husband visited 87 porn sights. How much time did that take? Eight hours probably. How do I know this? My brand new computer has the same virus my old computer had. WinSpyWare virus from porn sights. And he didn't erase his history, left it right there for me to find.

He bought this computer on August 10th. Not even a month ago.

How do I feel? My eyes are so dry from crying.

I don't care about the Internet or using the computer.

This was about trust, honor, integrity and my faith in my best friend. How could he do this a fourth time? How could he do this so soon after just healing from the last time?

I am so embarrassed. I am in shock. I am not even going to post this on my space were Bruce children can read this. Shannon would be so upset that her dad is such a pervert.

This is beyond dumb ass, beyond stupid.

I am such a fool. My daughter Amy said it is time to leave.

I have this huge surgery coming up next Tuesday. Gastric By-pass. My daughter Boo will be here.

I need all my strength to get through this. My self esteem is in the toilet. I lack something that my husband needs. It's my fault. What am I not doing for him to meet his needs that he has to keep looking at porn on line?

I have lost my respect for my best friend. I have lost faith and trust. What do I have left? Fuck. What do I have left?

10 comments:

billy pilgrim said...

i would think his self esteem should be in the toilet, not yours.

Mama Kelly said...

I am so so sorry. I can only imagine how heart-sore you must be.

Focus on yourself now and the healing to come.

Mama Kelly
2witchesblog.wordpress.com

buddha_girl said...

You deserve so much better.

Being a good man some of the time isn't what you're worth. He needs to take a long, tough look at himself and understand that his little porn fixation has lost him the supposed love of his life.

You're not the one lacking in this relationship. Not by a long shot.

I am so very sorry.

yellowdog granny said...

this isn't about you lacking ANYTHING...you are perfect..he is the dickhead pervert...you deserve much better..im so sorry for the pain he has caused you..but you need to get away from him and his illness...have your operation, heal and then get the fuck out of dodge...much love to you my friend

Rainwolf said...

What Billy Pilgrim said.
There's nothing wrong with you.
David Duchovny is in rehab for the same thing. Apparently some guys just can't stay away from it.

sageweb said...

Wow, what a jerk. He needs to get his head fixed.

texlahoma said...

Oh how the mighty have fallen. It's hard to know what Bruce is really like. He was a "could do no wrong" guy and now he's a total jerk. I suspect the truth is somewhere in between.

tsduff said...

My heart hurts for you... my late husband had the same thing going on. He introduced some killer viruses to my computer the same way. I think they can't help themselves somehow, or they would. It is like me and my trying to stop drinking or eating potato chips; I'm good for a little while and then bam, I blow it royally. I'm sorry for the pain he has caused you though. hugs xo

Allan said...

There is nothing wrong with you other than the pain caused by not getting the respect you deserve. Billy P. had it right in the first comment.

Juanuchis said...

NOTHING is your fault! Ditto to what the others said.

You will make it through this!