Monday, March 30, 2009


Yesterday I spent the day with my mother-in-law. She needed me. You see she had a torn rotater cuff. She had surgery on February 13, 2009 to get it fixed. If you've been with me a while you know my mother-in-law. She is a strong, opinionated pushy woman. Never been down a day in her life. So for her to ask for help she had to be hurting.

And after my experience in Minnesota as a mother-in-law, and I did tell my daughter-in-law that someday this would come full circle because it always does and you have those enlightening moments of uh hu so this is how she felt, keeping that always in the back of my mind I was ready to go and give this wonderful lady all my help and to do it with a smile and happiness in my heart.

So yesterday I was keeping in mind to be a good daughter-in-law, respectful of my mother-in-law and all her years of wisdom and knowledge. Smile, be pleasant and very, very helpful.

And as I am on my hand and knees scrubbing her kitchen floor, and I mean scrubbing it, and this is only after I swept it twice and vacuumed it I am washing it with spic and span for all I am worth and she is standing over me telling me I am not doing it right...

I need to spray it with this green cleaner to get the yellow out, the yellow that has been there for the last 50 fucking years and would take dynamite to get it out. But I just smile and say yes mom I will spray it and let it soak and breath in all these great fumes. So I spray it and I let it soak and poor Bruce is cleaning her bathroom so during the kitchen soaking stage she goes to supervise his cleaning of her bathroom. I hear from the bathroom, "Get the corners really good." This made me chuckle.

I took the opportunity while she was helping Bruce to finish the kitchen floor and put the furniture back and to pull the shade down so you couldn't see the yellow that would not come out. I was standing by the door and she walks in. "You see I told you the yellow would come out." Yes mom, you did. Bruce is standing behind her laughing.

I love this family. I really love my mother-in-law. She loves me. She would give me the shirt off her back if I needed it. You just smile and remember what is Someday she won't be here and I am really going to miss her. She is Bruce's mom. She raised him and he is basically a good man, a good husband.

Someday I am going to tell you about the day I had to help her get dressed and I had to help her put her panty hose that was a funny day. And Bruce owes me big for that day.

Mom and her new great grand son Cole.

My sister Lee called me and she's found God again. Lee has spent her whole life trying to find God. She has dragged me to all kinds of church services through all kinds of faiths. Jewish was her last one, but now on Oprah she found a new one she is researching. She was so excited, I could hear it in her voice. "I found God."

Then she says to me we have to be responsible for each other. We should do something as a society to help people out. I just was quiet on the other end of the phone. I was shaking my head and just let her go on and on about people taking responsibility helping each other out...then I lost it. Hello Lee do you know who you are talking to? Do you know what I do for a living? Do you know what I have been doing my whole life? Do you know anything about me at all? My whole life I have been a care taker of others. My whole life has been in service to others. Child care, foster care mother, TBI councilor, baby sitter to you and your kids, now at the hospital I work at. Do not preach to me about taking care of others. Get out of your garage (her place of business, redoing furniture) and take care of others if you need find God.

Lee & Me. Sisters who love and argue all the time. Someday I will tell you about the time she through me out of her house out on to the cold side walk of winter...we made up the next week.

I told her to have a great day and I smiled and hung up.

Sorry about the run on sentences...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Been Gone A While

I've been gone a while. Missing in action. I feel like I am not worthy most of the time anyway because I neglect my friends here. I really don't mean to and it makes me feel bad. I am sorry. You all have been with me through so much, the good times and the hard times. I thank you. I love you. It's just that simple.

I've been home for almost 3 weeks. My daughter Boo has been with me the last week. She left this morning and she cried so hard. She has left several times from visits with me and never cried. This one was different. She is growing tired of good-byes. She wants to make a permanent home with no more good-byes. She is headed to Minnesota. I told her to stay put when she gets there. Make a home and I will come visit. Her friend Jason bumped a shelf and my little Native girl spirit guide fell and her wings broke off. Boo started crying harder and said that was a bad sign. "Oh no your spirit guide is broken." I made lite of it and said ya, but look at her face she is still smiling and I got the super glue out and Jason glued her wings on and you couldn't even tell she was broken. So it was good. I then gave her a hawk wing I had dried and said the Hawks will take care of her and I smudged her with sage smoke and we prayed for her safe journey. I am going to miss her something crazy. Of my children she holds me in her arms and loves me, really loves me as I am, imperfect and human. She respects my life and my knowledge. She truly loves me. She excepts me for me and there is no wall between us or conditions. It is a true mother, and child connection.

Awww damn I am so freakin emotional. My niece Terra told my daughter Amy..."you know how your mother is, those artist types are always emotional. I need to go have a good cry, get it out of my system. I am gonna miss that baby girl of mine something firece.