Friday, July 28, 2006

The Shits

I have the shits. For three days I’ve been doubled over with cramps and nausea not to mention I got my period after 6 months without getting one. So you may ask me how is your week going? If I snarl bent over don’t push it!

I went to the doctors, the surgeon yesterday and he did exactly what I said he would do…He’s hooking me up with Hartford Hospital to have the laser biopsy. So until then I still don’t know what’s up. I know I have extreme fatigue, extreme shits and extreme hair loss. Top that off with having to go to work and looking after Mr. Bruce makes for an extremely crabby me.

I called my primary care doctor this morning he wanted me to call him at the end of the week to let him know how I was doing. I told him. He now wants me to pick up a poop kit before work and do it over the weekend and hand it in Monday. I asked him “Do you always get what you want?” I told him to get through work last night I had to take a box of Imodium. The shits have stopped but the cramping is still with me. I also told him I think it’s the fucking antibiotics that I’ve been taking for the last six weeks daily that is causing me the shits.

My blood sugars have gone in the extreme reverse of being low, as low as 55. So that kink is still not worked out. I got up to get Bruce something and I sat right back down and told Mr. Bruce I had never felt like that in my life, it felt like I was going to fall off the edge of the world. Mr. Bruce’s first wife was diabetic so he knew what to do. He tested me and I came up with a 55. Too low. He made me eat a jar of apple jelly. Yuck. But it worked. I did this another time at the grocery store when I was by myself. So now he (Mr. Bruce) says I need to get a bracelet announcing my illness so if I pass out they (whoever) is around at the time will know why.

I’m calling out of work today due to illness. I just can’t work and do everything else I’m supposed to do I’m exhausted. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.

Bruce called his insurance and they said they mailed out a check on Wed. Finally. Thank the universe and all the people praying for us. I am truly humbled today to my knees.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Family & Work & Health

I went to work Monday night grave yard shift. I am finding I like the grave yard shift because all the office people and bosses are home in bed. It is so much more peaceful at night. And the dress code is out the window on the night shift. I wore my ragged jeans. Nice and comfortable.

I was working with detox guy who could of been Rock Hudson’s twin brother. Chiseled features, great hair, and he had George Hamilton’s tan. He is 54 years old and absolutely beautiful, teeth straight and white and a killer smile. He just got out, spent 5 days in the ICU detoxing from his favorite alcoholic drink. Five days in ICU is a long time and tells us just how much this guy drank in a day.

I’m sitting by his bed side reading. He wakes up and starts to get out of bed. I block his way. He looks up at me and I smile and ask him where he thinks he’s going? To the bar, across the street he replies with a smile. I motion for help, and me and my co-worker put him back to bed. I start the regular set of questions, do you know where you are? No. You are at ——-’- Memorial Hospital. Do you know when you came in? No. You came in 5 days ago and you have been in ICU for those five days. Do you know how you came in, by police or a family member or on your own steam? No. You came in by ambulance called by the police because you were passed out with your pants down on the bathroom floor of your favorite pub. He smiles and he lies his head back down on his pillow and starts this little boy pout. He asks me do you have a cell phone? Yes. May I use it? No. You can’t use a cell phone in the hospital. I’m not in a hospital. Where are you then? I’m in church. (family guy was on and Peter was talking to the pope in the back ground.) You’re in church? Yes, and I want to say my confession. Now ya’ll know how much I wanted to mess with this guy and hear his confession but I was good and I reminded him of where he really was. He demanded to use the phone. Who are you going to call? The police and I’m going to report you for holding me against my will. The police brought you here. OH, he rethinks his plan. I have to go the bathroom. Pee or poop? Pee. You have a foley in. No I don’t, what’s a foley? So at this point I uncover him and I show him his penis with the tube going in it. His reaction was hilarious. He goes to pull it. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Why? Because there is a tiny balloon holding the other end of that in your bladder and if you pull it you may rip your bladder and bleed a lot. Not to mention the pain you will be in. He covers himself up and wants the phone to call the police because we have violated his penis.

Come on let’s go? Where we going? Across the street to the bar, you look like you could use a drink.

You are in the hospital detoxing. There is no bar across the street only state forest. You cannot leave. And this went on and on until my shift ended.

All in all he was a pleasant detox that didn’t take a swing at me or talk dirty to me. And I shook his hand and I thanked him for being a lovable detox guy and making my shift an easy one.

Tomorrow I go to the surgeon’s at 10:00 am and he will tell me what is next and I’ll keep you informed.

Mr. Bruce is riding the stationary bike for 20 minutes so he’s doing great.

The sun is shinning and I have the rest of the day to paint, so I got that going for me and I have my fellow bloggers whom I love, which is really a wonderful blessing everyday.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Mammogram Fun :)

No, that’s not a picture of me. It’s a picture of what I went through yesterday. I had an appointment at 2:15 and I was there until almost 4:00. Who knew your boobs could be squished so many ways? They took a first set of pictures and then had me wait for almost an hour and took another set of pictures and had me wait so more. They had all my reports from all the other test I had including MIR.

What was so nice about this one was the Dr. of Radiology for this place asked the tech to ask me if I had any questions, he would talk to me. First question, did the mammogram show the same spots as the MIR? No, the mammogram showed nothing at all. Second question, why didn’t it? MIR is way more advanced then mammogram in detail. Third question, isn’t cancer a big detail? Yes, and MIR can detect it far earlier then mammogram, the spots on your MIR probably wouldn’t show up on your mammogram for another year or two. Shaking my head in disbelief.

This is the same thing that happened to my sister in-law Candy and my mother in-law. Both their mammograms showed nothing at all, but the ultra sounds and MIR’s showed differently. I wrote about Candy a while back. She’s still doing great and my mother in-law had a lumpectomy is still crabby and bossy so she’s good. So what I am telling you is this…If you have cancer in your family and your mammograms come up clean, maybe you should dig deeper with another test especially if you have symptoms of great fatigue and just not feeling well. Listen to your body.

I have an appointment with my surgeon on Thursday. He is then going to send me to Hartford for the PET scan. This is the newest technology. It can determine if your spots are cancer or benign by heat. Then we will go from there.

Bruce wants to take some naughty pictures of my boobs I think it’s all the pain drugs he’s on. Second thought it may not be such a bad idea. Pictures of the puppies incase they have to go. A nice glossy 8″ by 10″ above the mantle. hehehehehehe

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I Don’t know What To Do!

I got home from work this morning at 8:00 am. I tried to fall a sleep but couldn’t waiting for the RN to call. She promised this morning. I wait till 11am and I give in and call her. She’s annoyed with me calling. It’s only been 5 fucking weeks. She tells me she left work early and didn’t wait for the fax to come through from MRI Doc’s. She tells me she won’t get back to that office until 1:30 pm and she will call me then.

In the mean time my sister Lee is as nervous as I am and she calls me and when I tell her about what happened she gets angry and tells me I need to get angry and I need to demand answers. I’m tired, I haven’t slept all night because of work. I’m over tired because of everything. When I’m over tired I cry easily. I think the 5 weeks of antibiotics has started to rip my stomach apart, I have a constant stomach ache.

I get a little emotional and I call my primary Doc. I tell him everything that’s happened. All the stops and stalls. All the running around I had to do to pick up old mammogram ex rays and getting them to MIR Doc’s. I tell him I am tired and sick and how frustrating this is and why can’t someone just tell me. He promises me he will get to the bottom of it by tomorrow. He tells me he will talk to the other Doc personally. I also tell him I signed a permission slip for him to talk to my sister Lee. I tell him she called and the secretary was rude to her and said she could find no such permission slip. He tells me to hang on, he comes back and says it’s right here in your file.

I call Lee back and I tell her it’s OK for her to call him, that he found the slip. She calls him and really gives him a piece of her mind. She calls me back and tells me what was said.

In the mean time 1:30 pm has come and gone with no phone call back from RN. I’m just falling a sleep and my phone rings, it’s now 2:30 pm. It’s RN and she tells me they can’t do a reading of MRI until they have a current mammogram. What the fuck? I went last week to do this but they wouldn’t take me because you didn’t send them or fax them the orders and when they tried your office no one answered. And MIR people said last years was OK so I went and got it and brought it to them now they are saying they need a more current one? She says I got you an appointment for 2:30 pm tomorrow for a mammogram. Are you sure you sent the orders so when I get there again they won’t turn me away? She seems indignant that I would ask such a question.

Two minutes after I hang up the mammogram people call and tell me about my appointment, they ask me to bring last years film back because the radiologist will need it to compare to the new one. Last year mammogram is at MIR place, I don’t have it, could you pick it up when you come tomorrow? FUCK NO. I am so fucking tired of this fucking bullshit. I then dump on her. I said both doctors have their heads up their asses and neither one is on the same page as me. She felt my pain and said she would have a currier pick it up not to worry. Both Doc’s promised me an answer by Monday afternoon. In the mean time another week and weekend has gone by. Monday will be the start of week 6.

Lee wants to fly me home to Minnesota and have me go to her doctor’s at the Mayo Clinic. She wants this tomorrow. I have to work tonight I tell her and she says I am wasting precious time. I told Bruce if my doctors don’t have an answer by Monday afternoon I will have to find another form of treatment. I’m very tired and frustrated I don’t know what I should do. I know better then anyone time is wasting. I don’t see how I can pick up and just go to Minnesota. I’m very confused.

As I was finishing up this post my primary care Doc called. He said the MIR showed three small tumors in the right boob and two small tumors in the left. They want me to have the mammogram tomorrow to see if they show up on that. Next stop going to Hartford to get a scan that can determine if they are cancer are not without actually cutting into me. So at least I made some progress today and I got that going for me.

Saturday, July 1, 2006


This is the Jesus statue my son Travis gave me. Jesus sits on my desk. Jesus makes me smile when I see him in this pose. He just seems more approachable when he smiling giving the thumbs up.

The sacred heart of Jesus.

Dear Jesus:

You’re father is putting me through some trying times, why? I was a good little catholic girl. I was a virgin when I got married. I fasted three hours before communion, I didn’t eat meat on Fridays and I always gave up candy during lent. So why is he giving me diabetes? Why is he making me sick? What sins am I paying for? For being human the way he designed me? He made me in his image. Is he sick? I promise to be good. I promise. I promise to say 10 Hail Marys and 14 Our Fathers.

Oh yah, Satan is the one responsible for all the pain and suffering in the world. You gave him control until you come back and kick his ass in Armageddon, it’s all there in Revelations. Sorry I forgot my Catholic teachings.


A Child of Gods

PS. Do you think it was a good idea leaving Satan in charge?

This is my sense of humor with a little added sarcasms , Jesus is my brother.