Monday, December 31, 2007

Friday, December 28, 2007


I don't have time to visit all your blogs today (tonight I will) but will try and post a fast one because JackieSue reamed me a new one for not keeping in touch. So JackieSue with the fear of you in my heart :) here it is.

I had a core biopsy on 11/11/2007. In a nutshell this is what is going on today...the biopsy sight didn't heal so here it is 12/28/2007 and I still have an open hole in my right boob (better then in my head so I got that going for me) So today I have to have an ultra sound of my boob to check for any abscess. Thats at 1:30 today then at 3:30 I am having a breast MRI which is tons of fun. Healing is hard for diabetics. If I can't heal from a biopsy how will I heal from bilateral mastectomys? That folks is the million dollar question we are trying to find answers to today.

Anyway here is some cute pictures of Bruce and Taryn. Remember Taryn our grand-daughter? I posted pictures a ways back when she was born and now just look at her, the love of our lives..

This is a picture taken on Christmas morning and these two didn't stop wrassling for the entire day! I swear to whoever these two make me laugh until I cry! They are both the same age!
Bruce and Taryn are the loves of my life. They make me smile and laugh. I love them so much!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Happy News!

I do have some happy news! This is a first photo of my grand-baby due June 26th. Trina & Travis are expecting their first and I am so blessed! An exciting time. I am going to go stay with them, they invited me. So I have that going for me!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Pages from My Journal

A page about my Bruce...
Two sisters also diagnosed and my feeling about them...
My way of dealing with my feelings of breast cancer.
The picture is of Ricki...
In my writing side ways is a verse from a poem written by

~~ Edna St. Vincent Millay ~~

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave,
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

We have walked through the fire together...
Boo, me & Amy

For Rocky

So here is the scoop of what is going on to catch Rocky up.

A year ago or so I had two lumpectomies. This gave me a diagnose of lobular carcinoma SITU through out both breast. Non evasive cancer that could become active in the future.

I had my 6 month mammogram. Clear, no new spots.

I had my next 6 month mammogram. Not so good. It showed a new spot on my right breast. I had that biopsied and that came back as ductal carcinoma. Cancer. Ductal carcinoma is different then lobular carcinoma SITU. It can kill you. So I had three different doctor visits with three different doctors. Dr. Hetzel, my medical oncologist, Dr. Holly Mason my oncologist breast surgeon, and Dr. Melissa Johnson my plastic surgeon for re constructive surgery.

After the double mastectomies if the good tissue that is left shows no signs of live cancer cells I will have the re constructive surgery right after. If there are any live cancer cells in the healthy tissue or any of the lymph nodes I will have to do chemo and or radiation, then the re constructive surgery.

So yesterday the good social worker called me to see what state of mind I was in...I was fine like I said until she started bring up stuff that I had made my peace with and it just started my emotions rolling.

I'm better today. Bruce is my rock. He knows me so well, and he uses his knowledge to say just what I need to hear. I am truly blessed to have this man in my life at this time.

I've been working on a collage journal and will post some photo's of it. My way of working through it. I'm glad I am back and have you wonderful people to see me though. I've missed you. You are the best of the best! Thank you for putting up with me for so long! :)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

This Is How I Felt...

So I was feeling pretty good about all the crap (cancer) that was happening to me, resigned to do what I have to do. Then the phone's an oncologist social worker. She opens doors that I had gently shut. Since I talked to her at 3:00 pm I haven't stopped crying. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Wild Rice Soup

So I had a bowl of my wild rice soup and it revived me.

I saw my plastic surgeon on Monday. Her name is Melissa Johnson, Dr. Melissa Johnson. I am so blessed to have these women doctors taking care of me. My breast surgeon is one of the best on the East Coast. Her name is Dr. Holly Mason. My oncologist is the best too, Dr. Hetzel. He's a Yankee's fan, but I won't hold that against him.

I went for my 6 month mammogram. It showed a spot on my right breast that wasn't there 6 months ago. So I was biopsied. It came back as ductal carcinoma. Let me tell you the best laid plans of mice & men always get sidetracked by life.

Dr. Hetzel signed me up with Dr. Holly. The original plan was to do a partial breast removal with 6 weeks of radiation, 5 days a week. I was resigned to do it so I dug out Ricki's orange radio active shirt to wear to radiation. I thought it was funny. Apparently I was the only one.

Anyway I got my appointment with Dr. Holly and after reviewing my medical records and family history we decided on a bilateral radical mastectomy. Both breast gone. She asked me if I wanted to reconstruct my breast? Sure, why not?

That led me to Dr. Melissa. Let me tell you what an experience picking out new boobies. What size cup do you want? What shape, tear drop or round? Where would you like them placed, up high or down low? While I'm doing your boobs I'll suction out this fat here under your arms and tighten it up... Jesus Christ I'll have the boobs I had when I was 15 and my droopy face won't match. the only thing that would stop the reconstruction is while I'm under they will biopsy the tissue that is left, if there is any live cancer cells I will have to do chemo and or radiation first then the new boobs after.

So I should get a surgery date sometime in the first half of Jan.

That is my journey. The journey I'm on right now. To be cancer free.

My sister Lee got her new nipples on Monday. She loves them. They took the skin from her vagina and constructed beautiful nipples. I have that to look forward to.

Bruce is getting new boobs for Christmas. He liked the tear drop shape, up high and a good size C cup...

I'm Starting Over Again

So here I am once again starting over. Starting over gives me hope like a new day beginning again.

Where shall I start?

I guess I wanted a place to go to write about my feelings and my journey with breast cancer. Right now in this moment I am too tired to start. Not to start, but to continue this post. So maybe tomorrow, there is always tomorrow.