Life In General

I am getting as much work in as possible before my surgery date. I’m going to do 6 shifts in five days. We need the cash. Bruce is receiving disability but they want out of a $383.00 check a week a $100.00 for medical insurance so that leaves us with $283.00 a week. He’s out of work until October 10th. With gas prices so high, and the monthly bills of electricity, cable, and phone, rent, food and medicines, we are barely getting by. I was sick the last week of July through three weeks into August and couldn’t work. So we are behind. Just getting by…by the skin of our teeth as mother used to say, she also used to say, you can’t get blood out of a turnip, whatever that means. Mother had some pretty funny sayings.

Still all in all I feel pretty blessed. Zoe is warming up to me, she came to me and head bonked me, it was then I knew she loved me. She would always go to Bruce so this was a major break through. Maybe having the aunt’s here had an effect on her. She stole my sisters Shirley watch and hid it on her which made me laugh. Thank Creator it wasn’t big enough to fit down the drain.


The hospital gossip train hit me last night at work when a PCT came and hugged me and was so concerned if I was OK and when was I starting Chemo? This happened twice last night. Huh? That’s news to me. I only told three people what was going on. My boss, my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law, who both work at the same hospital. It’s funny how the story changes as the gossip moves from person to person.

The RN I was working with kept checking on me every half hour, asking did I need anything, was I OK, did I want a break? It was funny because before, I could ring for a nurse and would wait 45 minutes for a response.

I’m working the grave yard shift, which I like for right now because it is quiet. They medicate and sedate, so people pretty much sleep throughout the night. Although last night one of the guys I was with was 99 and put a whole new meaning to the expression ‘dirty old man’. My sister-in-law, who feels she needs to protect me told him to shut the hell up. He did, and the rest of the night was quiet.

That’s it for now. Have a wonderful evening and sweet dreams.

Funny Picture

My sister Lee told me if I put this on my blog she would kill me. My brain said this is too funny not to be seen. She’s so darn cute! Aren’t you glad I’m not your little sister?

PS>Does anybody have the link to Babs? I can’t find it anywhere. Thanks.

Surgery Date

Don’t have much time as I am on my way to work this fine morning. Doing a double today, 7 AM - 11 PM.

My biopsy came back, pre cancer cells, bad cells, but not as bad as cancer. I’m having two lumpectomies, one on each side and the left lymph node out on September 8 at 8:00 AM. The left lymph node is the worry now. That will be biopsied when they take it out.

My lap top was acting all weirded out and I haven’t been able to use it. I miss you guys.

Have to run. Have a great and beautiful day.

My sisters left for home yesterday morning and it made me cry. My baby daughter called and she is flying out September 22, she is going to spend a week with me and I am so thankful I will be here to do it. I haven’t seen Boo Boo in over a year. Granted she’s 23, but she will always be my baby girl. My Amy is coming out in Nov. So I have a lot to look forward to.

Thanks for all your prayers and happy thoughts. It meant the world to me and my family.

Sorry for any miss spelled words, I was in a super hurry. And ya’ll know my spelling sucks.

Zoe’s Curious

I’m taking over for her today. She’s been waiting by the phone for a call on her biopsy results and so far nothing or no one has called and waiting is making her anxious She rode her bike 7 miles yesterday, which for her was good after being so sick. Today she walked up hill a mile and climb five flight of stairs for exercise. Don’t tell her but I think she’s doing a great job and Mr. Bruce agrees.

My two aunt’s Lee & Shirley are pretty darn nice too. My auntie Lee brought home this big thing and here are some pictures of me exploring what the heck it is.

Now Comes The Night

Now Comes The Night by Rob Thomas

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
And you will not be alone
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
No I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here

Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
‘Til the end of our days

D Day

Today, this morning is biopsy day. I have to leave in about 20 minutes to get to Hartford Hospital by 8:30 AM. My sister Lee gave me an atavan to help with my nerves. I am bringing one of my favorite CD’s by Douglas Spotted Elk. I’m having a Core Biopsy which puts me in an MRI machine with wires inserted in my boobs to the five different areas to take the tissue they need.

My sister Lee and Shirley came home last night with a build a bear just for me. This is my bear Jade.

She has a special star that I wished on, sewed into her. It matches the star on her left paw. So I have that going for me too.

Bruce is telling me it is time to go, my stomach just fell out.

Hopefully I will be back with great news, keep your fingers crossed.

Zoe’s Wake Up Call

It’s five am
gentle snores
keep me company
while I sip
my morning tea.

Lee, Shirley & Bruce
all snoring
at different levels.

I feel nothing
but love
as I listen
to their sleepy melody.

Zoe sits by my tea cup
her big green eyes
looking into mine
saying “meow, I can’t sleep.”

I pet her and she sings
along purrrrrrrrfectly.

beautiful morning song.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rocky was right eventually. As of this fine morning I am down almost twenty-five pounds. I wouldn’t recommend the diet to anyone. I still have no appetite and am having at least 4 to 5 BM’s a day. Still taking the antibiotics they use to kill this nasty little virus, have two more weeks worth. But other then that and a small worry about Monday’s biopsy I’m feeling on top of the world.

Went to work for the first time Sunday night. It proved too much and I had to cancel myself last night. Going in tonight though. Every other day is good. Still weak and fatigued. My sisters & Bruce are doing all the home-making stuff and taking the best care of me. I am so blessed and humbled by them. Unconditional love is what they have for me. It fills my heart and soul.

I feel damn blessed that I live in a country where I can tell the world how many BM’s I have in a day and so I got that going for me too!

Bear Hunting

Remember a while back I said I would post some pictures of me and my bear? I went bear hunting and I got a small black bear. I had got my license in a lottery for hunting. In the second picture I’m drinking a beer. Enjoy. The bear steaks and roast off this animal were amazing. We Bar-b-queued the roast. it was finger licking good.

I tanned the hide and gave it to my best friend and I made some very nice jewelry out of the claws.

Here’s a picture of me and my sisters, from left to right as you look at your screen, Leola, Fern, Lena and me. I love this picture!

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of Ricki Joy, August 08, 1975 - August 11, 2003

Dear Ricki:

I miss you everyday of my life. I am getting better at not crying so much anymore because I am tired of grieving. I know that is what you would want for your dear old mom not to cry but to be happy. But you must understand you were part of that happiness and now you are gone but it’s getting better.

Aunty Lee and Aunty Shirley are here with me today and we are getting on our bikes and going for a bike ride. The two of them keep me pretty busy so there is no time to dwell on sadness or sickness.

I thought I might go in your trunk today but I won’t have time. Your cousin Tom is here to from Oregon. Remember how crazy he was? He teased you so much about your cat fetish. He’s still the same but appeared to me as an angel at the end of my hospital bed last week. It was so good to see him, it’s been since 1993 when grandma LeMay died. He’s still crazy and makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants.

Yesterday him and Aunty Lee got on the bikes and went for a little ride. I took this picture of them. Funny hu?

I have to go. I will always carry you in my heart and soul and whenever I see wild daisies on my bike ride I will smile because I know you are there.

Love Mom

Sisters Are Here! :)

My sisters got here last night and these are some of the photos they brought with them.
Life is good with family around.

This is my niece Angie and her son, my great nephew Kurt. Beautiful.
This is my great nephew Forest and his mom Angie, Lee’s oldest daughter. She’s an RN and takes very good care of Forest.
My niece dawn and her dog Red. This is Lee’s daughter.
My great niece, Chole’.
My sister Lena and her dog Princess and my sister Leola before she was a red head.
My sister Lee, aint she beautiful!
This is my sisters dog Princess, too cute!

This is my nieces dog Red, aint he the cutest dog!

Second Day Home

Rocky mentioned something about weight loss from the C diff shits. No weight loss, in fact they loaded me up with fluids because of the dehydration. Fifteen pounds of excess water on board. I had to wear Bruces shoes to go out yesterday, men’s size 11 and they were tight. My bra doesn’t fit. My pants don’t fit. I’m in a helluva mess with this shit.

I’m still running a fever of 101. I’m still shitting my heart out. I’m barely eating. AND I’M GETTING FATTER BY THE MINUTE! I know it’s freakish. I got a call into the primary care doc. I’m demanding something to take the water retention down.

My sisters aren’t here yet. Expecting them sometime today.

I’m thinking about Leo’s last response and he pretty much said what I’m thinking. Mr. Bruce said I should print it out.

And I’m waiting on my biopsy August 21st at 8:00 am. Cancer, no cancer. Mr. Bruce and I have talked intimately about if it comes out to be positive. He said he would shave his head for me…seeing he’s already bald, it was funny at the time. Then I asked him would he shave his mustache for me? Now the mustache was a different story. Not the mustache. Love only goes so far, hehehehe.

Then the surgery to remove the lymph nodes. That doesn’t bother me so much. But all of it together with this illness is a great burden and I thank the Creator for my sisters having the ability to stay here with me through it all. I love my sisters. I’m their baby sister and ya’ll know how you feel about your baby sisters. You gotta love them. :0

I got on the exercise bike and I could only do 6 minutes in my present physical state. I guess what is bothering me is the fact Mr. Bruce is getting stronger and he walks so much better and he is doing so good and then there’s me and he will go on and on and maybe without me and that scares me. I’m still on the dark side a little bit. I am trying to stay positive but it’s really hard when none of your clothes fit and you just keep shitting and running fevers. This is the worst fucking case of Clostridium Difficile ever!

Enough whining. My chubby little fingers hurt. They are swollen to the size of polish sausages and who doesn’t like polish sausage? hehehehehe

oxoxoxoxoxoxo to all my fellow bloggers, peace and love.

Nick Name: C diff or Death Warmed Over

Back date to July 28th and I walk into my primary care offices and collapse. My doctor calls an ambulance and I’m off.


This Blog is mine and I am writing from the dark side. I don’t give a shit if the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’m near death and I am starting to get mad at stupid shit-holes for brains doctors thinking they know what’s best. I am so fucking sick of being sick I could spit fire and the next person who smiles and says to me you will get better, just give it one more day. Oh yea come here let me spit in your mouth and we will share these magical germs of mine. And when you’re burning up with a 104 fever, but yet you can’t stop the unshakable shakes of the freezing cold, and you have someone sticking you for the third time because your veins are blowing out from the fever and the illness that rages inside of you and yet you crawl out of bed to barely make it to the bathroom just to have this venomous green burning bile flying out your ass then we will talk birds and sunshine.

My primary care doctor stood by my hospital bed and he had his hands folded and the man was crying and he said to me. ” I am truly sorry for what I have put you through. I am thoroughly disgusted by what Dr. Alexander has put you through and I am asking you if you would please let him come see what he has done?” I had four IV’s going, oxygen, I look up and I say sure why not?

The next day Dr. Alexander shows up and won’t even look me in the eyes, that’s when I lose it and I start to cry. What do you want Alexander to finish me off?

He leaves.

I was discharged today because my medical team could not decide what to do. Half my team thought I should stay in the hospital, that I was still way too sick to go home. Not to mention how contagious this stuff is. I was supposed to have a biopsy tomorrow, I couldn’t have it while still in the hospital, that is why other half of team wanted me discharged. Well another fuck up, they discharged me and then the appointment was cancelled.

My three sisters are driving out. They left yesterday. Hey medical team hope you’re eating your Wheaties because some Minnestoa corn fed women are coming out and they ain’t taking names.

My fever and chills call for me to close. I love you guys. Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow is RJ’s 32 birthday.

Happy Birthday Ricki and I want you to know thoughts of what you went through and the strength you showed got me through this tuff time. Thanks for honoring me with such powerful knowledge, this too shall pass.

Clostridium difficile: An acute inflammation of the INTESTINAL MUCOSA that is characterized by the presence of pseudomembranes or plaques in the SMALL INTESTINE (pseudomembranous enteritis) and the LARGE INTESTINE (pseudomembranous colitis). It is commonly associated with antibiotic therapy and CLOSTRIDIUM DIFFICILE colonization.

Clostridium difficile : causes antibiotic\-induced diarrhea or pseudomembranous colitis in humans; found in the colonic flora in 3% of healthy adults. Mine was caused from this form of antibiotic.

History: C difficile colonization results in a wide spectrum of clinical conditions, including an asymptomatic carrier state, mild self-limited diarrhea, pseudomembranous colitis, and fulminant colitis.
Most patients develop diarrhea during or shortly after starting antibiotics. However, 25-40% of patients may not become symptomatic for as many as 10 weeks after completing antibiotic therapy.
Symptoms often include the following:
Mild-to-moderate watery diarrhea that is rarely bloody
Cramping abdominal pain
Anorexia
Malaise
Fever, especially in more severe cases (me, severly dehydrated, fever 104)
Physical:
Physical examination may reveal the following:
Fever
Dehydration
Lower abdominal tenderness (Fuck that, it was like being in labor and not being able to deliver , just one constant cramp)
Rebound tenderness - Raises the possibility of colonic perforation and peritonitis

(You don’t want to know how they test for this.)

Causes: C difficile colitis results from a disruption of the normal bacterial flora of the colon, colonization with C difficile, and release of toxins that cause mucosal inflammation and damage.
The chief risk factor for the disease is prior exposure to antibiotics.
The most common antibiotics implicated in C difficile colitis include cephalosporins (especially second and third generation), ampicillin/amoxicillin, and clindamycin.
Less commonly implicated antibiotics are the macrolides (ie, erythromycin, clarithromycin, azithromycin) and other penicillins.
Agents occasionally reported to cause the disease include aminoglycosides, fluoroquinolones, trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole, metronidazole, chloramphenicol, tetracycline, imipenem, and meropenem.
Even brief exposure to any single antibiotic can cause C difficile colitis.
A prolonged antibiotic course or the use of 2 or more antibiotics increases the risk of disease.
Even antibiotics traditionally used to treat C difficile colitis have been shown to cause disease.
Other risk factors include the following:
Advanced age (>60 y)
Hospitalization (particularly sharing a hospital room with an infected patient, intensive care unit stays, and prolonged hospital stays

Nancy’s Update

Hi everyone! This is Trina, Nancy’s favorite daughter-in-law, I was asked by her sicklyness to put an update on here for all of you loyal readers so you will stop worrying so much.

Here is what I know so far - this is passed on to me through Bruce and Trav - so I’m just telling you all that I know as of right now:

Nancy was admitted to the Hospital on Tuesday because she had a severe case of Colitis from the antibiotics she was taking from the other Doctors she was seeing. She was dehydrated and in a lot of pain from the cramping.

She is still in the hospital and says she misses everyone and hopes they don’t forget about her. As soon as she stops “shitting her heart out” she’ll be home and blogging her heart out instead.

She feels like crap - no pun intended - and very weak - but her doctor is encouraging her to keep on truckin’ because she IS getting better.

So that’s good.

Hope you all have a great weekend - and I will post more on her status as soon as I know more.

on another note - I will try to post on my own blog as well this weekend - I know I’m behind - don’t stop reading me!!!!!!

BYE!!!