Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust the Universe that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of the universe.
Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
Be happy in this moment.
Peace.

Honey

Since my gastric, I will be 4 years out on September 9th 2012, I have regained 20 of the 100 I lost. The doctors say I am a success.

I don't feel like a success. I just had my physical and my doctor said because of the 20 pound regained I have put myself in jeopardy for getting diabetes again. He did blood work and said he would get back to me. I am still waiting.

In my 4 years out I have worked hard to keep the weight off. I eat right most of the time. I am not perfect and once in a while succumbed to the devil white sugar. Not often because I get so sick from it. Literally get the sweats, nausea and head ache.

I personally know of two women I work with who had this surgery right around the time I had mine and they both have regained all of their weight back. Yup the stomach can't hold as much but you can eat a small amount all day long. I know because I have days like that. Days where I am so stressed I cannot stop eating but even then I still eat the way I am supposed to.

This has led me to honey. This winter I discovered honey. I hated honey as a young person. This winter when I was sick with a sore throat and cold I put honey in my tea. I loved it. Then I mixed it in peanut butter, this on Graham crackers is so yummy. But then I felt guilty because I was eating so much of it everyday.

Now I am at work and I just read this in Oprah's magazine...honey provides a concentrated dose of antioxidants and it appears to be easy on the heart and hips: in one study, people who had about ten teaspoons of honey every day for a month lowered their cholesterol by up to 3.3 percent while maintaining or even losing weight.

I was so happy to read that. I can keep my honey. =)

I am working now to lose the 20 pounds I have put on. Working hard and also working hard not to beat myself up over it.

Confusion

I have been back only a short while but feel as if I am having a stroke. So much has changed here. It's gotten so complicated. It used to be simple and easy to use. Maybe it's just me and my age. It is all just so confusing I can't stand it, now WTF did I do? What's a jump break? So many new buttons....ARGHHHHHHHH!

Wire Bead

Silver Wire hair bead made by me.

Happy Locks

Some of my friends are not on FaceBook and don't know that I have locked up my locks. Yes I have dreadlocks, no I do not listen to Bob Marley all day, maybe Bob Dylan but that's it.

Why?

When you decide to lock up your hair…I hope for your sake you have the patience of a saint. Be prepared to answer silly questions a zillion times. I figure it’s part of the journey, teaching me patients and to smile through the pain. I am also breaking the mold for stereo typing of what a fifty eight year old woman should look like. I really love the double takes from older people.

Before I did this I asked two supervisors at work about it. I work in a hospital. They looked up the dress code for me and reported back to me that there was nothing in the dress code about dreadlocks, there was a paragraph about different colored hair, like no pink hair.

The first day I showed up for work was nerve-racking. The very first day I got called into the big bosses office. She said to me and I quote “you have dreadlocks.” Brilliant deduction mam’ yes I have dreadlocks. Why would you do that to your hair? I wanted to say, staring into her eyes, right back at ya, why would you do that to your hair?

But I didn’t. I said I am Native American. Enrolled with a tribe from Minnesota. I have very strong feelings about my hair. When my ancestors were herded on to reservations they were made to cut their beautiful hair. Native Americans believe the spirit is held in their long hair. Scalping was started by the soldiers. Soldiers learned how much Native Americans valued their hair, and started to scalp the Indians. So the Indians in return did the same. A little known fact they forget to teach you in school. I also informed her that I had asked two supervisors about this before I did it. I said there is nothing in the dress code. She got the book out, read through it, looked up at me and said “you are right, there is nothing in the dress code.”

So if you are thinking about locking up your hair be sure to check it all out and do your research. Happy locking. Also be prepared to answer some really silly questions for example…I have worked at the hospital for ten years. Co-workers have started a conversation with me like this…it’s dirty and you never wash your hair. I look them in the eyes and I smile. It’s hair, why would I not wash it? You wash your hair don’t you? Of course I wash it. I wash it twice a week. Then I smile even bigger and say let’s go down to the lab and let them take some of my hair and some of yours and we will see who has cleaner hair shall we? The answer is always no.

Six Months out...

It's Almost Like Coming Home

Coming back here after so much time has gone by feels like home. A lot of my life stories are filed here. I made some life long friends here.

Last night while I was working I stopped by here and started looking through the old postings and visited some old friends. It felt very good.

I think I may stay a while. :-)

Lint Ball, dedicated to Leo.

This is Lint Ball.

Some of you know his story from FaceBook. I thought about him this morning. And I wanted to share his story with my friend Leo. So Leo this one is for you.

Before I left on my journey of a lifetime I had great anxiety about going. Great anxiety. I was at the laundry washing my clothes and getting ready to leave on my trip. I was sitting on a bench waiting and I started to pray. I had a turtle hanging from my mirror in my car and I was looking through the window at that turtle. I was praying and I asked the universe for a sign, give me a sign please that I should drive by myself on this 5000 mile journey and that I will be OK.

I was drinking a cup of coffee and I bent down to put my cup down and I saw this lint ball move. It was a lint ball with legs. I picked it up and thought what the heck is it? Started pulling the lint off and discovered a turtle. Unfreaking believable. I called Bruce. Bring me some spring water and a bucket. I told him the story and he did not believe me.

Bruce brought me the bucket and water. We dunked Lint Ball. We cleaned him off a little more. Sure enough, there he was a perfect baby turtle. The universe had given me my sign and answered my prayers. How else would that baby turtle just showed up at the laundry covered in lint? I think the Universe created him out of lint to answer my prayers.

I brought Lint Ball home and I kept him for three days to make sure he was a healthy little guy. Then Bruce and I brought him to the swamp a few miles from our house and I said a prayer and Bruce let him go. He was so happy to bury himself in the warm mud of the swamp. His little tail was a wagging.

Special Cream Cost An Arm and a Leg

So Walmart finally got my 'special' cream for my new nipples. It cost around 100 dollars for this tiny tube. But it has special enzymes that will make the black rotting skin grafts fall off. So far no luck. I get in the shower daily and try to scrub them off but they are stuck like glue oh oh oh stuck like glue it's me and you baby stuck like glue...sorry got that damn song stuck in my head.

The Summer of My Life!

I drove alone from MA to Minnesota and then from Minnesota to Colorado and then from Colorado back to MA. 5000 miles. What a freakin journey it was

.

I'd forgotten...

I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed blogging. Katrina took that away from me. She took a lot of things away from me. Boy once someone invades your privacy and uses it to hurt you it does take a while to heal from that kind of hatred. I don't have anything else she can take so fuck it. You know what I mean?

I heard from Boo via FaceBook. Goddess it was so freakin awesome to hear from her. She wants me to move to Hawaii. Live with her in Hawaii. Do you know I am thinking about it. Especially after the hate mail I got from Bruce's step mom. I am just tired of all the hatred directed at me because I am not Sharon. Sharon was Bruce's first wife. She died. I am telling you never marry a widower. I would rather deal with a bitter ex-wife then a dead saint.

Bruce also got a letter. His said Sharon was such a good lady and I was the most disgusting person she had ever met...really apple and oranges. Bruce loves my disgusting ways. hahaha

Hawaii sounds good. Warm weather. No one sending me hate mail. With family that loves and wants me. I really can't see a down side to this.

look at those smiles...it's a beautiful thing family.