I Spoke Too Soon

I spoke too soon. I was running a low grade fever. My primary care doc said to come in. I went in. I gave blood and urine. Doc tells me you have a UTI from being catheterized from surgery. OK. He puts me on Cipro for 5 days...500 mg once in the morning and once at night.

After 5 days I become deathly ill. Admit right to the hospital ill. 102.9 fever ill. Want to die ill. C-diff ill.

This is the second time I have gotten this illness from antibiotics. Seems from now until the rest of my life I can't take antibiotics without a course of treatment for C-diff first and probiotics.

The 7 days I was in the hospital I was under quarantine. My doc didn't visit me once. Not once. Do you know why? I do. Assfuck. I blew out 5 IV lines and was not a model patient. Because of breast removal and lymph node removal I'm what they call a hard stick. They can't touch my right arm at all so you can imagine my left arm...if not here are some photos. I got home yesterday and I'm so weak and nauseated and my hair is falling out by the handfuls and I'm not a real happy camper right now. I have tied a knot in my rope and I'm hanging on.

Raging Rejection & Infection

Yeah that's what's left of my left breast. See the really red spot. Well that explains why I've felt like killing myself the last few days. I was already swollen from surgery so it's hard to tell if your body is rejecting the expander and implant they put in.

By last night I wanted to die. I thought about the bottle of booze and the newly filled prescription of Oxy and Valium. Then I looked over at poor Mr. Bruce and thought nope I just can't leave him by himself. So I called my surgeon. I thought it's Easter week-end who the fuck is going to be around? She was. Not only was she there for me but had me come into her office at 9:00am this Easter morning instead of going through the ED. It brought me to tears that this doctor actually listened and felt my pain. My left side is infected and is rejecting the implant and expander. The right side is not, the right side is great. So the picture above...well picture it three times that size, bright red and hurting like a bitch.

The doc asked me about the tattoo. I told her the bear is my birth animal spirit. I got it on my daughter Ricki Joy's 21st birthday and it was a full moon. The four feathers stood for my four children. Ricki Joy died 2 days past her 28th birthday from cancer. Bruce said if she was alive she would be calling me every 5 minutes today and saying some pretty funny things. She had a wonderful sense of humor which I try to uphold.

Anyone whose been reading my blog for a while knows I hold nothing back. It all, the good , bad and ugly comes out here.

So now we know why I wanted to disappear and die...it is what nature does, hurt animals want to go off by themselves and die..

I'm on some really big doses of antibiotics for now and so I will stay in my recliner and rest. It hurts to move my left arm and I did this blog one hand typing just for you my friends.

See ya when I'm feeling better.