Lint Ball, dedicated to Leo.

This is Lint Ball.

Some of you know his story from FaceBook. I thought about him this morning. And I wanted to share his story with my friend Leo. So Leo this one is for you.

Before I left on my journey of a lifetime I had great anxiety about going. Great anxiety. I was at the laundry washing my clothes and getting ready to leave on my trip. I was sitting on a bench waiting and I started to pray. I had a turtle hanging from my mirror in my car and I was looking through the window at that turtle. I was praying and I asked the universe for a sign, give me a sign please that I should drive by myself on this 5000 mile journey and that I will be OK.

I was drinking a cup of coffee and I bent down to put my cup down and I saw this lint ball move. It was a lint ball with legs. I picked it up and thought what the heck is it? Started pulling the lint off and discovered a turtle. Unfreaking believable. I called Bruce. Bring me some spring water and a bucket. I told him the story and he did not believe me.

Bruce brought me the bucket and water. We dunked Lint Ball. We cleaned him off a little more. Sure enough, there he was a perfect baby turtle. The universe had given me my sign and answered my prayers. How else would that baby turtle just showed up at the laundry covered in lint? I think the Universe created him out of lint to answer my prayers.

I brought Lint Ball home and I kept him for three days to make sure he was a healthy little guy. Then Bruce and I brought him to the swamp a few miles from our house and I said a prayer and Bruce let him go. He was so happy to bury himself in the warm mud of the swamp. His little tail was a wagging.

Special Cream Cost An Arm and a Leg

So Walmart finally got my 'special' cream for my new nipples. It cost around 100 dollars for this tiny tube. But it has special enzymes that will make the black rotting skin grafts fall off. So far no luck. I get in the shower daily and try to scrub them off but they are stuck like glue oh oh oh stuck like glue it's me and you baby stuck like glue...sorry got that damn song stuck in my head.

The Summer of My Life!

I drove alone from MA to Minnesota and then from Minnesota to Colorado and then from Colorado back to MA. 5000 miles. What a freakin journey it was

.

I'd forgotten...

I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed blogging. Katrina took that away from me. She took a lot of things away from me. Boy once someone invades your privacy and uses it to hurt you it does take a while to heal from that kind of hatred. I don't have anything else she can take so fuck it. You know what I mean?

I heard from Boo via FaceBook. Goddess it was so freakin awesome to hear from her. She wants me to move to Hawaii. Live with her in Hawaii. Do you know I am thinking about it. Especially after the hate mail I got from Bruce's step mom. I am just tired of all the hatred directed at me because I am not Sharon. Sharon was Bruce's first wife. She died. I am telling you never marry a widower. I would rather deal with a bitter ex-wife then a dead saint.

Bruce also got a letter. His said Sharon was such a good lady and I was the most disgusting person she had ever met...really apple and oranges. Bruce loves my disgusting ways. hahaha

Hawaii sounds good. Warm weather. No one sending me hate mail. With family that loves and wants me. I really can't see a down side to this.

look at those smiles...it's a beautiful thing family.

Been A While

I haven't been here since Feb. I always find myself coming back when I seem to deeply hurt.

So here I am. And I am deeply hurt.

Do you know what is truly disgusting? Hate and the people who spew it, and spread it...in any way they can.

They disguise it in many ways. Many ways.

It only in the long run causes pain and suffering. That is what they want. They want you to have pain and suffering.

I am choosing not to be involved in it. You keep your hate. Choke on it. wallow in it. Bathe in it. It is what you know and love. I do not want any part of it.

I choose not to be a part of it. Someday because life is a circle you will feel the pain and suffering you have caused and it will be three times worse for you. You will become enlightened and you will have a deep knowing because of the pain in your heart at what you have done.

You will also know this at that moment of enlightenment...You will know how much I love you and in that knowing you will feel pain.

Namaste

I honor the place in you
In which the entire universe dwells
I honor the place in you
Which is of love, of truth, of light, and peace
When you are in that place in you
And I am in that place in me

We are one.

Three Weeks Out

So today I stayed in my pjs almost the whole day. Bruce kept me hopping all week-end and I am tired today. Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my tummy tuck surgery. Bruce took these photos

My doctor is a miricle worker. Thank you Doctor Melissa.

A New Day

I took this photo last summer. Bruce and I were fishing and I caught a rainbow...

So today is new. A friend who I work with...when I said yesterday was a long day of nothing. Well she pointed out to me that it was a long day of healing. I forgot. My body is healing from being cut almost in half and a large portion of it removed. See pictures below.

So today my mind will be in better spirits and I will let my body heal. I will help it along by feeding it right and that includes a square of dark chocolate. I will also go for a walk. I will go further then yesterday. I will go and my mind will wander to good thoughts as I walk and listen to good music. I am blessed.

Two Weeks Out

So I am two weeks out of major surgery. I walked a mile today. Just one mile. Tomorrow I will go a block or two more. I will over come and I will get back to where I was. Today is another tough day. I don't know why. I am getting enough sleep and I am eating well. Maybe it's the pain meds. Coming off the pain meds. None yesterday or today. Might explain the crying jags I've had today.

Tomorrow will be better.

Before & Four Days After My Tummy Tuck

Still pretty swollen, but my doctor preformed a miracle. I now have a flat tummy with no fat rolls. Can't wait to lose the drains. Maybe Thursday.

My BooBoo

My BooBoo and her dog Pablo

I miss her so much.

My God

Oh my God it has been a long time since I have been here. I have missed it. I wasn't sure I would remember my password and was thoroughly delighted when it opened for me the door to here.

I am depressed. It has been a long while. When I am depressed I come here and let it all out.

I am going through a rough patch. I know I will get to the other side but it is how well I will walk through the fire. I am emotionally starving. What feeds my spirit?, I am learning. My children feed my spirit. So just by those statements you know why I am starving. I have one child who feeds me and lifts me but it is not enough. It is never enough. So what can I do? What do I always do? I adopt children who are not mine and I make them mine. Like Sarah and Toni from work. I always adjust.

This Gastric Bypass isn't going the way I planned. But today I woke up and I knew it was me. It's always been me who gets in the way of my own success. Why do I set myself up to fail? Why? I know full well what I have to do. And today I started. I started. Just get me through today. I will worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.