Nose Dive & Other Stuff

Went for a walk last night with Trina. I hit a icy spot and I swear to god it was like a cartoon picture...my feet were going back and forth so fast and I was trying to catch my balance and I could feel myself falling forward and then it went in slow motion for me...all I could think of was save the new boobs. Do not land on the new boobs! Do not puncture the new boobs! They aren't even a year old and they are hardly used, so save the boobs! My arms shot out in front of me and absorbed the biggest part of the impact. I was laughing so hard when I hit the ground. Trina kept asking me are you OK? I could tell by the sound of her voice she was scared I had hurt myself but I told her if I had hurt myself I wouldn't be laughing this hard. I didn't even knock the wind out of my sails because I was laughing so hard.

Today my arms feel like I have been weight lifting. Muscles hurt. My back hurts and my left ribs hurt. But hey the boobs are intact and good! Damn I'm glad it was dark and no body saw me fall. when I told Bruce the story he said "save the ta ta's." great minds think a like. :)))

That was a day ago. I was watching Rocky and he got up and ran those stairs and I thought if Rocky can do it you can do it so get off your ass and go. Today it's minus 25 but I put on my long underwear, my ski mask, my big boots, my warm jacket with fur hood up and I went walking. I asked my son to come with but he said hell no it's too cold. Hello, you live in Minnesota, it's fucking cold here and you had better get used to it if you ever want to go out side. So this 55 year old woman went out and walked 3 miles. Coming home I walked right past their house and just kept walking...I was deep in thought when I looked up and realized I had walked right past their house. Maybe my subconscious was saying you really don't want to go back there do?, you just keep walking.

Mr. Bruce has booked a flight out for me. I am flying home April 2, 2009. It can't come soon enough. My son's surgery was approved and he is meeting with his surgeon on Monday and they will give him a surgery date. Sometime the end of February. Yeah baby! I informed them both I am leaving here on April 2, 2009. I was supposed to be here until May but cut it as short as I could.

Don't get me wrong I love my kids dearly. I raised them to be good human beings. Basically they are good...just not to me. Sad. It was a very rude awakening this trip. Those of you who have been reading me for a few years know the heartache I had at being torn in two. Always wanting to come home to Minnesota but not wanting to leave Bruce and his family. It took this trip and these months out here to show me you can never go home again. I have been here 3 months and my daughter Amy called me for the first time today. I have called her almost daily leaving messages. She has call ID so I know she knows it's me. This hurts. I can't even begin to say how it hurt me the way I was so unappreciated by my son and his lovely wife. My baby Boo calls me every three days and we get along so good. She is staying in Maine. She said to me "Mom you need to take care of you and if your not happy there you need to come back home." How can a mom have three kids and only be appreciated by one of them? They were all raised the same. I don't get it.

Any way I am counting down to April 2, 2009. It can't come soon enough. I will miss Piper and my sister Lee the most. They have been the kindest to me.

As of this writing I have gone from 235 pounds to 154 pounds. My blood pressure was 100/60, my blood sugar was 80...I am healthier, the numbers prove it. Yeah me!