Nose Dive & Other Stuff

Went for a walk last night with Trina. I hit a icy spot and I swear to god it was like a cartoon picture...my feet were going back and forth so fast and I was trying to catch my balance and I could feel myself falling forward and then it went in slow motion for me...all I could think of was save the new boobs. Do not land on the new boobs! Do not puncture the new boobs! They aren't even a year old and they are hardly used, so save the boobs! My arms shot out in front of me and absorbed the biggest part of the impact. I was laughing so hard when I hit the ground. Trina kept asking me are you OK? I could tell by the sound of her voice she was scared I had hurt myself but I told her if I had hurt myself I wouldn't be laughing this hard. I didn't even knock the wind out of my sails because I was laughing so hard.

Today my arms feel like I have been weight lifting. Muscles hurt. My back hurts and my left ribs hurt. But hey the boobs are intact and good! Damn I'm glad it was dark and no body saw me fall. when I told Bruce the story he said "save the ta ta's." great minds think a like. :)))

That was a day ago. I was watching Rocky and he got up and ran those stairs and I thought if Rocky can do it you can do it so get off your ass and go. Today it's minus 25 but I put on my long underwear, my ski mask, my big boots, my warm jacket with fur hood up and I went walking. I asked my son to come with but he said hell no it's too cold. Hello, you live in Minnesota, it's fucking cold here and you had better get used to it if you ever want to go out side. So this 55 year old woman went out and walked 3 miles. Coming home I walked right past their house and just kept walking...I was deep in thought when I looked up and realized I had walked right past their house. Maybe my subconscious was saying you really don't want to go back there do?, you just keep walking.

Mr. Bruce has booked a flight out for me. I am flying home April 2, 2009. It can't come soon enough. My son's surgery was approved and he is meeting with his surgeon on Monday and they will give him a surgery date. Sometime the end of February. Yeah baby! I informed them both I am leaving here on April 2, 2009. I was supposed to be here until May but cut it as short as I could.

Don't get me wrong I love my kids dearly. I raised them to be good human beings. Basically they are good...just not to me. Sad. It was a very rude awakening this trip. Those of you who have been reading me for a few years know the heartache I had at being torn in two. Always wanting to come home to Minnesota but not wanting to leave Bruce and his family. It took this trip and these months out here to show me you can never go home again. I have been here 3 months and my daughter Amy called me for the first time today. I have called her almost daily leaving messages. She has call ID so I know she knows it's me. This hurts. I can't even begin to say how it hurt me the way I was so unappreciated by my son and his lovely wife. My baby Boo calls me every three days and we get along so good. She is staying in Maine. She said to me "Mom you need to take care of you and if your not happy there you need to come back home." How can a mom have three kids and only be appreciated by one of them? They were all raised the same. I don't get it.

Any way I am counting down to April 2, 2009. It can't come soon enough. I will miss Piper and my sister Lee the most. They have been the kindest to me.

As of this writing I have gone from 235 pounds to 154 pounds. My blood pressure was 100/60, my blood sugar was 80...I am healthier, the numbers prove it. Yeah me!

Today

Crap I am feeling so emotional. I feel like I did right before I used to get my period. I haven't had a period in 2 years so why are my hormones running a muck and toying with my emotions?

This morning I wanted to kill, hurt and maim. This afternoon I want to hide in my cave and cry. Crap. Crap. Double crap. It's only Tuesday.

I got my primary care Doctor's orders in the mail the other day and I had a lab appointment at my son's doctor's office yesterday. I got there and the lab people couldn't make out the orders for metabolic make up. I explained that I had a Gastric by-pass and he wants to check out my nutrition and how my body is reacting to starving basically. Had I been home I would have had at least three doctor's appointments since my surgery to see how my body is doing. This is just blood work. The lab people then ask me what is my doctor's name? I say isn't it on the orders? How do you say it? Dr. Ro. RO (Row) She tells her assistant to punch it in and see if he is in the system...hello dumb ass he won't be in your system because as I have told you now three times I came from Massachusetts to help my son for a few months and I need some blood work done while I am here. The movie Fargo comes to mind eh!

It ends up I have to make a new appointment for Saturday so they can call Dr. Ro and ask him what he means by metabolic work up. Lab person assures me they will have it all figured out by Saturday. I'm not feeling so secure in their ability to understand anything.

The Weekend

The weekends are long here. I try to stay in the basement but there is no natural light. The windows have all been blocked with wood from the previous owners afraid of break ins. Trina and I tried to take some of the wood down but the guy used security screws. Those are screws you can screw in but can't screw back out.

The basement is fully finished with tile floors and a drop ceiling, if I could just get the wood off the windows to get some natural light it would be great.

Trina came home last Friday with a surprise for me. I came up the stairs and she said I have a present for you...she pulls out a really nice pair of size 14 jeans she got at Target. She grabs me and hugs me and tells me how sorry she is for the other morning. I was flabbergasted. The jeans fit perfect. Hey from a size 24 to a 14. All my clothes are too big for me so to get a size that actually fit was nice. I thanked her and as for the apology I accepted it. Hopefully we will get along better in the future.

My sister-in-law Candy is under Hospice care now. I had to find out from the hospital grapevine. A co-worker text me to say she was sorry about Candy and I had no idea what she was talking about, and she said about Candy in hospice. I thanked her for telling me and I called Bruce to ream his ass out for not telling me. He had good reasons, worried about me and how far away I am. I wrote Candy a letter telling her how much she means to me and how much I am going to miss her and that I will always remember her. I sent it e-mail so she would get it through her husband Brian right away. I just needed to say good bye.

Then when I was done I was talking myself into going for a walk outside. It is cold here. It is like the 17th day in a row for below zero weather. Then I thought about Candy. She is my Hero. I thought she would give anything to go for a walk so get off your lazy ass and take your walk. I walked 3 miles and I felt so good doing it. I just need to keep it up everyday. It's -30 here today and snowing but Bruce sent me my snow pants and I have the gear for cold weather outing now so no excuses...just do it.

The reason I am here and the only thing that matters right now, Piper is calling me...later dudes.

Minnesota

Sister Lee
Lee and grand-son Ben
Sliding...
Niece Chloe' and Dawn and below human Popsicles...Lee, Chloe', me and Carl

Taking care of Piper is why I came out here and the rest of stuff is just gravy.

I'm having a good time for the most part. I just spent 5 days in Duluth playing in the snow. The picture above was taken at the Warmer By The Lake festival. There was a storm coming in off of Lake Superior and the wind chill was -50. A good frozen time was had by all. I am the one in orange and the rest are my nieces.

I'm back in Minneapolis taking care of Piper and sometimes the days are very long. I'd forgotten what it was like to stay home and take care of a baby...Bless all the young moms out there.

This week-end will suck because I am stuck here. I wish I had a car and a job. I do have those things just not here. I guess I should just sit back and enjoy these months off before too long I will be complaining about work.

I have lost 65 pounds but right now hit a spot weight were I seem to be staying. My hair is falling out by the handfuls. You can lose 40 to 50 percent of your hair, no one told me that before the surgery. So I just pick it up and throw it in the garbage. O well, it's only hair and hopefully it will grow back.

I'm taking more vitamins and herbs then Heinz has pickles. Every 2 hours, three or four supplements. Extra B12, D, C and horsetail, garlic and some stuff I can't spell.

It's hard to get on line here because I have to use my son's computer which he is pretty touchy about. Don't do this, don't do that...

Just wanted to write a small blog and I have...