Monday, April 27, 2009

Life, Awww It Has Become Beautiful Again...

Life, my life has become beautiful again. Man it's been such a long time in the dark and cold and depression. Five long years spent in the darkest places I've ever been. Yet I had these bright Angels who stuck with me through the darkest parts of my life. These Angels of light were you. Yes, you, people I have never met who just came by to check on me and offer a kind word or two. I think about you. All of you at different times. Leo comes with me on my daily walks with his wisdom and free expression at what I see on my walks. JackieSue comes with me when I go to work and my drunks come in and I have to smile and help them along...her humor and love. Buddha Girl is with me when I have to deal or hang out with in-laws, her humor and compassion and colorful expression of family is with me. You have all influenced my life in such a positive way and I am thankful for every one of you.

The weight loss has affected me big time. I don't know why losing 90 pounds would make so cocky now. My mouth. I have this new courage and my mouth now says what I am thinking. Even to my boss at work. You should have heard me Friday. It's like I got more confidence now. The whole thing is people treat me differently now. Men are nicer. Some women meaner. What the fuck is that all about? These are people I know.
I had paged the nursing supervisor three times over head and she didn't answer one of my pages...because of that we had a huge problem with a patient. Later when I caught her at the desk I confronted her. Why didn't you answer my pages? I paged you three times. She acted all surprised, you did? She looks at her pager. Ya I did and it was over head, so you can't hear now? She really didn't like me confronting her at the desk in front of the RNs. I would have never done this but my patient is the one who suffered because she ignored my pages. I will not have a paying patient suffer because a supervisor is lacking. I really become a warrior when it's a cancer patient in hospice and they want their morphine and you call for it and no one comes. I time it. I ring for the nurse, if they don't answer in sixty seconds I ring again and again and if no one answers I call the supervisor. You see how it works. And if she doesn't answer then we have a problem with someone in anxiety and pain and dying. Not acceptable under any circumstances! I don't get these patients often but when I do I am a warrior. This patient ended up squeezing my fingers for forty five minutes waiting for morphine. Sorry I'm getting pissed off writing about it. There is no excuse for it. None. This little old lady had lung cancer. She had no family but because she had no family she got no service, no one to check on her. Yet they charge her insurance to the roof for hospice. It sucks. I see it all the time. No living will, no family and the hospital takes charge of your life and they do what they want. Get a living will I can't express that enough. Get a living will and in it lay out the care you want.

Sorry I didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Just get a living will and lay out in simple terms exactly what you want for care and pain management and burial. This simple document will give you great comfort. Because I have seen it over and over again, "Do they have a living will?" First question they ask and if you don't you're screwed. And yes, I do have one on record with the hospital I go to.

Okay I will get off that subject. I had a great weekend. I had a friend and her little boy spend the weekend. We had a great time visiting. She's got it bad at home. I won't go into detail but her and her son needed a break and I love the company and Bruce loves to cook for anyone who likes to eat. So a good time was had by all. Then on Sunday we went to the flea market. I love going to the flea market. I scored and got a Levi's jean jacket for five bucks. I needed it to go with my new hat. I did the feathers on my hat. I love my hat. I'm balding so a hat was the answer. My doctor said my hair will come back it's just falling out from malnutrition. Until it comes back the hat is staying.

Cheryl and Shane...

Shane in Bruce's boat. We are going to take him fishing soon.

Me in my hat.
Shane. What a cute kid!

Bruce and I at adopted daughter's wedding.

Me and my adopted daughter Toni and Bruce. It was Toni's wedding.

My life is going really good right now. Just a few minor things with Bruce and his eating habits. I am working on it and he is rebelling. I told him if he can't keep up with me I may have to trade him in for a younger one, he didn't like that too much. I guess I wouldn't like it either if it were reversed. I just feel so darn good and I want him to feel good and taking off a few pounds would do that for him. Ok, ok I will stop.


sageweb said...

Wow you look so good and tiny. I am happy you are happy. I also love that you are a warrior for the sick people.

texlahoma said...

I'm glad things are going so well. If I'm ever a patient like that I hope there's someone like you working there. Oh, I like the hat, looks good.

buddha_girl said...

That new pic at the top is sassy and great! Just like you!

I'm so glad you're coming out of the dark. I've been there and know what it's like, sister!

As for the morphine NON-givers: Fucktards.

My Dad was in hospice at a nationally-renowned and respected medical center. He didn't want to die at home and have us remember it happening there. We respected that. I got there the day he was transferred to the hospice ward at the request of my Mom. He was in utter pain. I tracked down the nurse who wouldn't answer our call. She told me "it wasn't time" for another shot.

I told her to fuck herself and that she was officially relieved of any duties remotely related to my father. A DIFFERENT nurse arrived not five minutes later for his morphine and a much-improved attitude over the first ass.

Like you, I have a living will on file with my hospital, personal physician, and local surgeon.

billy pilgrim said...

excellent hat.

when i become infirmed i'd be honored to have you watch over me and my pet turtle. i have nightmares about some fillipina nurse eating my turtle while i sleep.

enjoy every minute, moderation is for monks!

tsduff said...

I've ballooned up this past 2 years - and I'm having an awful time losing the weight. I try very hard, but nothing is working and sometimes I just go back to my regular eating habits. Losing weight is so hard - I blame menopause and too much wine (which was the only change in my eating habits when I began gaining weight as I had not had a drink for 16 years before that point). My mother died of respiratory failure at age 69 and was morbidly obese. I don't want to die the same way but man, it just isn't working. I like looking at the skinnier you - you who now loves herself.

yellowdog granny said...

oh crap..i just stopped by because you had been around but my bloglines didn't show you had posted..feck...feck feck..
this was such a great post..I love that you take us all with you..cause you are always with us..and oh look so good..and i used to have a hat almost exactly like yours..had a hat pin on it that said if you ai't for texas you ain't for shit.and a roach clip with feathers attached to it..sigh* i miss that hat.hah..
keep up the good you..jac

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Love that picture of you at the top, sweetie! Glad to hear you have let the happies in!! Love you, Rocky

texlahoma said...

You got an award.

billy pilgrim said...

happy feckin mother's day

billy pilgrim said...

that's a mighty fine looking turtle on top!

Rocky (Racquel) said...

where the heck are ya? I'm finally back and you aren't!!!???

Allan said...

You look and sound great!

What Rocky (above) said.