I am an Old lady. A senior. I'm what you would call a late bloomer. These are my scattered thoughts this cloudy morning. People talk about writing with flowing words, that your words should flow with rhythm. Damn. I like writing but words never ever flowed for me. My writing is like my life, somewhat choppy, messy and sad with moments of sheer happiness but for the most part, cloudy with periods of down pours.
I even bought myself a Webster's book on Vocabulary to help improve my writing. I still suck at spelling, grammar and run on sentences. In school I excelled in reading and comprehension. It's just the writing it down part. I have a learning disability. No excuse though. Now I am 60 almost 61 and it really is no better.
As I have aged I have been making myself more aware of my thoughts. Mindfulness. I also have toned myself down. I am listening more with my mouth shut. I am praying more. I am walking away more rather then or than get into a confrontation. Then and Than my learning disability is when I look at those two words I see left and right, my mind process it different then and than yours. Do you see what I mean? I see a lot of bashing on the internet for people using these words wrong. Makes me feel bad because try as I might MY brain doesn't work the way of the English language.
And I just would like to write but I am stifled because of this and not wanting to appear stupid I stay limited. But my friends here have never minded my English or the way I write for the most part.
I am Native American and I grew up in a house full of wild Indians. My parents were French speaking. They had broken English and my Aunts and Uncles were Native speaking, my parents also, but were ashamed of their Native blood so French it was and I went to a very Catholic school where phonics was beaten into you. No wonder I am so fucked up with English language.
All this and I have not said a word about what is really in my heart this morning. Please almighty Creator make him be okay. You can't do this to me twice, you just can't. I am not strong enough.
your humble servant Nancy.