Sisters Are Here! :)

My sisters got here last night and these are some of the photos they brought with them.
Life is good with family around.

This is my niece Angie and her son, my great nephew Kurt. Beautiful.
This is my great nephew Forest and his mom Angie, Lee’s oldest daughter. She’s an RN and takes very good care of Forest.
My niece dawn and her dog Red. This is Lee’s daughter.
My great niece, Chole’.
My sister Lena and her dog Princess and my sister Leola before she was a red head.
My sister Lee, aint she beautiful!
This is my sisters dog Princess, too cute!

This is my nieces dog Red, aint he the cutest dog!

Second Day Home

Rocky mentioned something about weight loss from the C diff shits. No weight loss, in fact they loaded me up with fluids because of the dehydration. Fifteen pounds of excess water on board. I had to wear Bruces shoes to go out yesterday, men’s size 11 and they were tight. My bra doesn’t fit. My pants don’t fit. I’m in a helluva mess with this shit.

I’m still running a fever of 101. I’m still shitting my heart out. I’m barely eating. AND I’M GETTING FATTER BY THE MINUTE! I know it’s freakish. I got a call into the primary care doc. I’m demanding something to take the water retention down.

My sisters aren’t here yet. Expecting them sometime today.

I’m thinking about Leo’s last response and he pretty much said what I’m thinking. Mr. Bruce said I should print it out.

And I’m waiting on my biopsy August 21st at 8:00 am. Cancer, no cancer. Mr. Bruce and I have talked intimately about if it comes out to be positive. He said he would shave his head for me…seeing he’s already bald, it was funny at the time. Then I asked him would he shave his mustache for me? Now the mustache was a different story. Not the mustache. Love only goes so far, hehehehe.

Then the surgery to remove the lymph nodes. That doesn’t bother me so much. But all of it together with this illness is a great burden and I thank the Creator for my sisters having the ability to stay here with me through it all. I love my sisters. I’m their baby sister and ya’ll know how you feel about your baby sisters. You gotta love them. :0

I got on the exercise bike and I could only do 6 minutes in my present physical state. I guess what is bothering me is the fact Mr. Bruce is getting stronger and he walks so much better and he is doing so good and then there’s me and he will go on and on and maybe without me and that scares me. I’m still on the dark side a little bit. I am trying to stay positive but it’s really hard when none of your clothes fit and you just keep shitting and running fevers. This is the worst fucking case of Clostridium Difficile ever!

Enough whining. My chubby little fingers hurt. They are swollen to the size of polish sausages and who doesn’t like polish sausage? hehehehehe

oxoxoxoxoxoxo to all my fellow bloggers, peace and love.

Nick Name: C diff or Death Warmed Over

Back date to July 28th and I walk into my primary care offices and collapse. My doctor calls an ambulance and I’m off.


This Blog is mine and I am writing from the dark side. I don’t give a shit if the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’m near death and I am starting to get mad at stupid shit-holes for brains doctors thinking they know what’s best. I am so fucking sick of being sick I could spit fire and the next person who smiles and says to me you will get better, just give it one more day. Oh yea come here let me spit in your mouth and we will share these magical germs of mine. And when you’re burning up with a 104 fever, but yet you can’t stop the unshakable shakes of the freezing cold, and you have someone sticking you for the third time because your veins are blowing out from the fever and the illness that rages inside of you and yet you crawl out of bed to barely make it to the bathroom just to have this venomous green burning bile flying out your ass then we will talk birds and sunshine.

My primary care doctor stood by my hospital bed and he had his hands folded and the man was crying and he said to me. ” I am truly sorry for what I have put you through. I am thoroughly disgusted by what Dr. Alexander has put you through and I am asking you if you would please let him come see what he has done?” I had four IV’s going, oxygen, I look up and I say sure why not?

The next day Dr. Alexander shows up and won’t even look me in the eyes, that’s when I lose it and I start to cry. What do you want Alexander to finish me off?

He leaves.

I was discharged today because my medical team could not decide what to do. Half my team thought I should stay in the hospital, that I was still way too sick to go home. Not to mention how contagious this stuff is. I was supposed to have a biopsy tomorrow, I couldn’t have it while still in the hospital, that is why other half of team wanted me discharged. Well another fuck up, they discharged me and then the appointment was cancelled.

My three sisters are driving out. They left yesterday. Hey medical team hope you’re eating your Wheaties because some Minnestoa corn fed women are coming out and they ain’t taking names.

My fever and chills call for me to close. I love you guys. Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow is RJ’s 32 birthday.

Happy Birthday Ricki and I want you to know thoughts of what you went through and the strength you showed got me through this tuff time. Thanks for honoring me with such powerful knowledge, this too shall pass.

Clostridium difficile: An acute inflammation of the INTESTINAL MUCOSA that is characterized by the presence of pseudomembranes or plaques in the SMALL INTESTINE (pseudomembranous enteritis) and the LARGE INTESTINE (pseudomembranous colitis). It is commonly associated with antibiotic therapy and CLOSTRIDIUM DIFFICILE colonization.

Clostridium difficile : causes antibiotic\-induced diarrhea or pseudomembranous colitis in humans; found in the colonic flora in 3% of healthy adults. Mine was caused from this form of antibiotic.

History: C difficile colonization results in a wide spectrum of clinical conditions, including an asymptomatic carrier state, mild self-limited diarrhea, pseudomembranous colitis, and fulminant colitis.
Most patients develop diarrhea during or shortly after starting antibiotics. However, 25-40% of patients may not become symptomatic for as many as 10 weeks after completing antibiotic therapy.
Symptoms often include the following:
Mild-to-moderate watery diarrhea that is rarely bloody
Cramping abdominal pain
Anorexia
Malaise
Fever, especially in more severe cases (me, severly dehydrated, fever 104)
Physical:
Physical examination may reveal the following:
Fever
Dehydration
Lower abdominal tenderness (Fuck that, it was like being in labor and not being able to deliver , just one constant cramp)
Rebound tenderness - Raises the possibility of colonic perforation and peritonitis

(You don’t want to know how they test for this.)

Causes: C difficile colitis results from a disruption of the normal bacterial flora of the colon, colonization with C difficile, and release of toxins that cause mucosal inflammation and damage.
The chief risk factor for the disease is prior exposure to antibiotics.
The most common antibiotics implicated in C difficile colitis include cephalosporins (especially second and third generation), ampicillin/amoxicillin, and clindamycin.
Less commonly implicated antibiotics are the macrolides (ie, erythromycin, clarithromycin, azithromycin) and other penicillins.
Agents occasionally reported to cause the disease include aminoglycosides, fluoroquinolones, trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole, metronidazole, chloramphenicol, tetracycline, imipenem, and meropenem.
Even brief exposure to any single antibiotic can cause C difficile colitis.
A prolonged antibiotic course or the use of 2 or more antibiotics increases the risk of disease.
Even antibiotics traditionally used to treat C difficile colitis have been shown to cause disease.
Other risk factors include the following:
Advanced age (>60 y)
Hospitalization (particularly sharing a hospital room with an infected patient, intensive care unit stays, and prolonged hospital stays

Nancy’s Update

Hi everyone! This is Trina, Nancy’s favorite daughter-in-law, I was asked by her sicklyness to put an update on here for all of you loyal readers so you will stop worrying so much.

Here is what I know so far - this is passed on to me through Bruce and Trav - so I’m just telling you all that I know as of right now:

Nancy was admitted to the Hospital on Tuesday because she had a severe case of Colitis from the antibiotics she was taking from the other Doctors she was seeing. She was dehydrated and in a lot of pain from the cramping.

She is still in the hospital and says she misses everyone and hopes they don’t forget about her. As soon as she stops “shitting her heart out” she’ll be home and blogging her heart out instead.

She feels like crap - no pun intended - and very weak - but her doctor is encouraging her to keep on truckin’ because she IS getting better.

So that’s good.

Hope you all have a great weekend - and I will post more on her status as soon as I know more.

on another note - I will try to post on my own blog as well this weekend - I know I’m behind - don’t stop reading me!!!!!!

BYE!!!

The Shits

I have the shits. For three days I’ve been doubled over with cramps and nausea not to mention I got my period after 6 months without getting one. So you may ask me how is your week going? If I snarl bent over don’t push it!

I went to the doctors, the surgeon yesterday and he did exactly what I said he would do…He’s hooking me up with Hartford Hospital to have the laser biopsy. So until then I still don’t know what’s up. I know I have extreme fatigue, extreme shits and extreme hair loss. Top that off with having to go to work and looking after Mr. Bruce makes for an extremely crabby me.

I called my primary care doctor this morning he wanted me to call him at the end of the week to let him know how I was doing. I told him. He now wants me to pick up a poop kit before work and do it over the weekend and hand it in Monday. I asked him “Do you always get what you want?” I told him to get through work last night I had to take a box of Imodium. The shits have stopped but the cramping is still with me. I also told him I think it’s the fucking antibiotics that I’ve been taking for the last six weeks daily that is causing me the shits.

My blood sugars have gone in the extreme reverse of being low, as low as 55. So that kink is still not worked out. I got up to get Bruce something and I sat right back down and told Mr. Bruce I had never felt like that in my life, it felt like I was going to fall off the edge of the world. Mr. Bruce’s first wife was diabetic so he knew what to do. He tested me and I came up with a 55. Too low. He made me eat a jar of apple jelly. Yuck. But it worked. I did this another time at the grocery store when I was by myself. So now he (Mr. Bruce) says I need to get a bracelet announcing my illness so if I pass out they (whoever) is around at the time will know why.

I’m calling out of work today due to illness. I just can’t work and do everything else I’m supposed to do I’m exhausted. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.

Bruce called his insurance and they said they mailed out a check on Wed. Finally. Thank the universe and all the people praying for us. I am truly humbled today to my knees.

Family & Work & Health

I went to work Monday night grave yard shift. I am finding I like the grave yard shift because all the office people and bosses are home in bed. It is so much more peaceful at night. And the dress code is out the window on the night shift. I wore my ragged jeans. Nice and comfortable.

I was working with detox guy who could of been Rock Hudson’s twin brother. Chiseled features, great hair, and he had George Hamilton’s tan. He is 54 years old and absolutely beautiful, teeth straight and white and a killer smile. He just got out, spent 5 days in the ICU detoxing from his favorite alcoholic drink. Five days in ICU is a long time and tells us just how much this guy drank in a day.

I’m sitting by his bed side reading. He wakes up and starts to get out of bed. I block his way. He looks up at me and I smile and ask him where he thinks he’s going? To the bar, across the street he replies with a smile. I motion for help, and me and my co-worker put him back to bed. I start the regular set of questions, do you know where you are? No. You are at ——-’- Memorial Hospital. Do you know when you came in? No. You came in 5 days ago and you have been in ICU for those five days. Do you know how you came in, by police or a family member or on your own steam? No. You came in by ambulance called by the police because you were passed out with your pants down on the bathroom floor of your favorite pub. He smiles and he lies his head back down on his pillow and starts this little boy pout. He asks me do you have a cell phone? Yes. May I use it? No. You can’t use a cell phone in the hospital. I’m not in a hospital. Where are you then? I’m in church. (family guy was on and Peter was talking to the pope in the back ground.) You’re in church? Yes, and I want to say my confession. Now ya’ll know how much I wanted to mess with this guy and hear his confession but I was good and I reminded him of where he really was. He demanded to use the phone. Who are you going to call? The police and I’m going to report you for holding me against my will. The police brought you here. OH, he rethinks his plan. I have to go the bathroom. Pee or poop? Pee. You have a foley in. No I don’t, what’s a foley? So at this point I uncover him and I show him his penis with the tube going in it. His reaction was hilarious. He goes to pull it. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Why? Because there is a tiny balloon holding the other end of that in your bladder and if you pull it you may rip your bladder and bleed a lot. Not to mention the pain you will be in. He covers himself up and wants the phone to call the police because we have violated his penis.

Come on let’s go? Where we going? Across the street to the bar, you look like you could use a drink.

You are in the hospital detoxing. There is no bar across the street only state forest. You cannot leave. And this went on and on until my shift ended.

All in all he was a pleasant detox that didn’t take a swing at me or talk dirty to me. And I shook his hand and I thanked him for being a lovable detox guy and making my shift an easy one.

Tomorrow I go to the surgeon’s at 10:00 am and he will tell me what is next and I’ll keep you informed.

Mr. Bruce is riding the stationary bike for 20 minutes so he’s doing great.

The sun is shinning and I have the rest of the day to paint, so I got that going for me and I have my fellow bloggers whom I love, which is really a wonderful blessing everyday.

Mammogram Fun :)

No, that’s not a picture of me. It’s a picture of what I went through yesterday. I had an appointment at 2:15 and I was there until almost 4:00. Who knew your boobs could be squished so many ways? They took a first set of pictures and then had me wait for almost an hour and took another set of pictures and had me wait so more. They had all my reports from all the other test I had including MIR.

What was so nice about this one was the Dr. of Radiology for this place asked the tech to ask me if I had any questions, he would talk to me. First question, did the mammogram show the same spots as the MIR? No, the mammogram showed nothing at all. Second question, why didn’t it? MIR is way more advanced then mammogram in detail. Third question, isn’t cancer a big detail? Yes, and MIR can detect it far earlier then mammogram, the spots on your MIR probably wouldn’t show up on your mammogram for another year or two. Shaking my head in disbelief.

This is the same thing that happened to my sister in-law Candy and my mother in-law. Both their mammograms showed nothing at all, but the ultra sounds and MIR’s showed differently. I wrote about Candy a while back. She’s still doing great and my mother in-law had a lumpectomy is still crabby and bossy so she’s good. So what I am telling you is this…If you have cancer in your family and your mammograms come up clean, maybe you should dig deeper with another test especially if you have symptoms of great fatigue and just not feeling well. Listen to your body.

I have an appointment with my surgeon on Thursday. He is then going to send me to Hartford for the PET scan. This is the newest technology. It can determine if your spots are cancer or benign by heat. Then we will go from there.

Bruce wants to take some naughty pictures of my boobs I think it’s all the pain drugs he’s on. Second thought it may not be such a bad idea. Pictures of the puppies incase they have to go. A nice glossy 8″ by 10″ above the mantle. hehehehehehe

I Don’t know What To Do!

I got home from work this morning at 8:00 am. I tried to fall a sleep but couldn’t waiting for the RN to call. She promised this morning. I wait till 11am and I give in and call her. She’s annoyed with me calling. It’s only been 5 fucking weeks. She tells me she left work early and didn’t wait for the fax to come through from MRI Doc’s. She tells me she won’t get back to that office until 1:30 pm and she will call me then.

In the mean time my sister Lee is as nervous as I am and she calls me and when I tell her about what happened she gets angry and tells me I need to get angry and I need to demand answers. I’m tired, I haven’t slept all night because of work. I’m over tired because of everything. When I’m over tired I cry easily. I think the 5 weeks of antibiotics has started to rip my stomach apart, I have a constant stomach ache.

I get a little emotional and I call my primary Doc. I tell him everything that’s happened. All the stops and stalls. All the running around I had to do to pick up old mammogram ex rays and getting them to MIR Doc’s. I tell him I am tired and sick and how frustrating this is and why can’t someone just tell me. He promises me he will get to the bottom of it by tomorrow. He tells me he will talk to the other Doc personally. I also tell him I signed a permission slip for him to talk to my sister Lee. I tell him she called and the secretary was rude to her and said she could find no such permission slip. He tells me to hang on, he comes back and says it’s right here in your file.

I call Lee back and I tell her it’s OK for her to call him, that he found the slip. She calls him and really gives him a piece of her mind. She calls me back and tells me what was said.

In the mean time 1:30 pm has come and gone with no phone call back from RN. I’m just falling a sleep and my phone rings, it’s now 2:30 pm. It’s RN and she tells me they can’t do a reading of MRI until they have a current mammogram. What the fuck? I went last week to do this but they wouldn’t take me because you didn’t send them or fax them the orders and when they tried your office no one answered. And MIR people said last years was OK so I went and got it and brought it to them now they are saying they need a more current one? She says I got you an appointment for 2:30 pm tomorrow for a mammogram. Are you sure you sent the orders so when I get there again they won’t turn me away? She seems indignant that I would ask such a question.

Two minutes after I hang up the mammogram people call and tell me about my appointment, they ask me to bring last years film back because the radiologist will need it to compare to the new one. Last year mammogram is at MIR place, I don’t have it, could you pick it up when you come tomorrow? FUCK NO. I am so fucking tired of this fucking bullshit. I then dump on her. I said both doctors have their heads up their asses and neither one is on the same page as me. She felt my pain and said she would have a currier pick it up not to worry. Both Doc’s promised me an answer by Monday afternoon. In the mean time another week and weekend has gone by. Monday will be the start of week 6.

Lee wants to fly me home to Minnesota and have me go to her doctor’s at the Mayo Clinic. She wants this tomorrow. I have to work tonight I tell her and she says I am wasting precious time. I told Bruce if my doctors don’t have an answer by Monday afternoon I will have to find another form of treatment. I’m very tired and frustrated I don’t know what I should do. I know better then anyone time is wasting. I don’t see how I can pick up and just go to Minnesota. I’m very confused.

As I was finishing up this post my primary care Doc called. He said the MIR showed three small tumors in the right boob and two small tumors in the left. They want me to have the mammogram tomorrow to see if they show up on that. Next stop going to Hartford to get a scan that can determine if they are cancer are not without actually cutting into me. So at least I made some progress today and I got that going for me.

Jesus

This is the Jesus statue my son Travis gave me. Jesus sits on my desk. Jesus makes me smile when I see him in this pose. He just seems more approachable when he smiling giving the thumbs up.

The sacred heart of Jesus.

Dear Jesus:

You’re father is putting me through some trying times, why? I was a good little catholic girl. I was a virgin when I got married. I fasted three hours before communion, I didn’t eat meat on Fridays and I always gave up candy during lent. So why is he giving me diabetes? Why is he making me sick? What sins am I paying for? For being human the way he designed me? He made me in his image. Is he sick? I promise to be good. I promise. I promise to say 10 Hail Marys and 14 Our Fathers.

Oh yah, Satan is the one responsible for all the pain and suffering in the world. You gave him control until you come back and kick his ass in Armageddon, it’s all there in Revelations. Sorry I forgot my Catholic teachings.

Thanks,

A Child of Gods

PS. Do you think it was a good idea leaving Satan in charge?

This is my sense of humor with a little added sarcasms , Jesus is my brother.

South Two, Locked Unit

We did a project on II South, locked unit. We asked patients if they wanted to write or draw or paint something portraying the way mental illness has affected their lives.

We then did a huge billboard featuring the art and writings. We did this by the hospital cafeteria so a lot of people would see it. Our unit is misunderstood by many people. This was to help “normal” ( I believe no one is normal) people have a better understanding of what it is like to have mental illness.

This is a poem someone wrote and was on the board…

I’m going to paint a picture,
I’ll pant it with a twist,
I’ll paint it with a razor,
I’ll paint it on my wrist,
In that pretty picture,
a fountain will appear,
and in that magical fountain,
I will disappear.

This poem spoke volumes of the pain this person was in. Some poetry spoke about do you rally think I want to live like this, that I can control it? The board was a huge success as we got a lot of positive feed back.

Ya’ll know that I suffer from deep depressions since my daughters death. And if you’ve been reading me for a time you also know she suffered from dual mental illness of Bi Polar and paranoid Schizophrenia which was later changed to Schizoid Personality Disorder. I’ve been dealing with mental illness in my life for 31 years. Ricki was in and out of mental hospitals all over the state of Minnesota for most of her life. She was violent when her voices won, but the violence was always directed at herself. Her voice was a males voice and he tortured her, telling her to hurt herself or he would kill her family. That was the main message of her voices.

Ricki had a beautiful soul. The illness was ugly but it never reached her soul. This showed in her art and poetry. It’s all locked away in her trunk in the closet here at my house. I haven’t the courage to open it. Maybe on the third anniversary of her death I will open it and look inside, maybe I won’t I just don’t know.

My schooling is in TBI. Traumantic Brain Injury. After Ricki’s death I moved here and started working with the mentally ill. It’s ironic to me.

When I see a Mom or Dad or both come in to visit her or his daughter or son I know I can help because I’ve been where that mom or dad is. I’ve been there and I’ve paid my dues.

I just want to help “normal” people understand better about mental illness, you can’t catch it from anyone it’s not contagious. A little understanding goes a very long way.

I didn’t write this to get any pats on the back so save it for someone who may need it. I just want people to understand, knowledge of mental illness is a good thing.